A mature (sometimes) Teenager!!

Mature and teenager.

These words tend to be an oxymoron!! They are not usually used in the same sentence, but I have to share the maturity of my 13 1/2 year old son, Landon.

For the past several months, Landon's 8th grade class has been planning a trip to NYC. This was to be the culmination of three years of hard work and studying in the MYP program before graduating to high school next year. Two broadway shows, Ellis Island, Museum of Art and just the excitement of a big city were all of the things that Landon has been anticipating for months. He also earned half of the money himself to travel there by babysitting, dog sitting and saving his allowance diligently. Many memories were to be made with friends and adults that are very special to him.

Last Wednesday evening, he was all packed and ready to go. Suitcase, pillow, blanket for the bus, plenty of snacks, fully charged Ipod, digital camera, warm clothes, borrowed boots, gloves, a warm beanie and one very happy teenager......

He left for school on Thursday with a jump in his step knowing that in 24 hours his dreams of NYC were going to become reality.

Thursday afternoon though....Mother Nature had her own plans. Snow storms and a major winter storm warning became reality as the Northeastern part of the US was blanketed with snow and ice. By 5:00, the trip had been cancelled. My heart was broken when I heard the news. I know that when I am looking so forward to something and it doesn't come to fruition, I tend to pout and wonder why, why, why??? Landon texted Dan and me and let us know about the disappointment.

About an hour later, we met Landon at Lynnhaven Middle for his wrestling match that afternoon. I didn't really get to talk with him before he wrestled, but could definitely see that his mind was focused on his match and he didn't look as disappointed as I would have thought. Afterwards, we asked him if he would like to go to dinner as some sort of consolation for the cancellation of his trip. He agreed and we had a great family time together.

The discussion with Landon showed that he was disappointed in the outcome of events, but that overall it was okay. His optimism was to be commended. He was positive about the possibility of re-scheduling and he understood the danger that traveling in the winter weather posed.

When we arrived home from dinner that evening, Landon called down to me from his room....."Hey mom, now since our trip is cancelled, I can go to the Middle School program at church this weekend!" "You sure can, I answered.

I was blown away by this comment. I had been bummed that Landon was going to miss this program at church entitled W3 that was discussing relationships between girls and boys. Several of his friends were attending, but Landon wasn't scheduled to go because he was going to be in NYC. Now, he could attend and he wanted to and was excited about it!!

This (in my eyes) is maturity that I don't know if I could have displayed if I would have been in Landon's situation. He accepted the situation for what it was and moved forward never looking back.

God knew that all of this was going to happen. I believe that God knew that if they traveled to NY that it was a safety issue and that His mighty hand was protecting all of the precious children and adults that would have been traveling. I also believe that His plan was for Landon to be at church this weekend, learning more about Him and how to incorporate His plans into his life. Landon accepted all of this with an open and willing heart.

I am so proud of my son!!

SO, even though the words maturity and teenager tend to not be used in the same sentence very often, this is a time when I can clearly say that I am seeing fruit from my son that makes my heart swell!!

A Weekend of Renewal

I just returned from a Women's retreat with Grace Bible church. What a refreshing and wonderful experience. I am so thankful for my husband who is so willing to take over for a time and allow me a special time of reconnecting spiritually with the Lord.

I have attended many of these retreats. I ALWAYS learn something and come home full of light, hope and renewal. I yearn to trust more, and completely yield to what He wants me to do with my life. Somehow, I always seem to get in the way. I want control and I want to be in the driver's seat of me.

After doing some reflecting, one area is softening my heart right now....adoption.

Two years ago, Dan and I opened our home to 3 Ugandan orphans that were touring the United States with a group called the SIFA choir. They were singing their praises to the Lord and traveling through the United States sharing their joy. All of the children lived in an orphanage in Kampala, Uganda and were AIDS orphans. Daniel, Geoffrey, and Abraham lived with us for three days and changed all of our lives forever. Their presence in our home taught us about love, compassion, kindness, peace, and most of all faithfulness in a loving God. These three boys had experienced more horror than we could have ever imagined, but their faith in Christ was stronger than I had ever experienced. I recall the first night that they stayed with us. We gathered in my son's room and sat in a circle and prayed. Their prayers were ones of praise and not want. They praised their God who loved and provided for them. These children had nothing materially, but everything spiritually.

After Daniel, Geoffrey and Abraham performed on the third evening, it was time to say goodbye to them. They were moving on to their next city for more performances. I sobbed. Part of my heart was definitely changed and softened for these children who were able to love and have faith with no bounds. Later that evening, Landon and Dalton were deeply moved. They asked why they had to leave, when could they see the boys again?? My answers were not satisfying to them. I knew that God had stirred in all of us a part of our hearts that we were not aware of before this time. You see, I believe that our hearts are hardened by the world around us. Once we allow Christ in, He works to soften our hearts. Part of our hearts were changed by these boys and their experiences and would never be the same.

This May, it will be two years since these boys changed our lives. I have not forgotten about them and in fact, I truly believe that this experience is just the beginning of a story that I have no idea about how it is going to play out. Adoption has been on my heart since this time. This weekend at the retreat, I heard about adoption experiences from two women. Both are different stories with different circumstances. Each story touched me deeply and I am grateful for the people that shared with me. The common thread is faith and love and a soft heart open to His plan.

Walk. Trust. Obey. These are the things that I must do to listen and be in God's will. I am a type A person....I want things in order and controlled. I know that in these circumstances that God is saying, "Listen to me, I will order your life and show you how to live." I certainly can fire up my computer anytime and start researching about adoption and jump start this process because of how I feel right now. BUT, I want to listen and be in God's will. I don't know how He is going to end this story.....Will it be through a mission trip? Will it be through adoption? I don't know, but I DO know that I need to be patient and wait for His perfect timing. If adoption is His plan for our family, He will provide all that is needed.

Selfish Me

I have been convicted all day to sit down and reflect on my attitude. For the past few weeks, I have been bombarded with sermons on serving. The one that is forefront in my mind is the story of Jesus in John 13 about washing his disciples feet. If you are not familiar with this story, it is a powerful one that we all can learn from. Before the Passover, Jesus wanted to show the disciples the full extent of his love for them. He poured water into a basin and proceeded to wash each of his disciples feet. This was so significant because this was a job that was only for servants, it was a job no one wanted to do and reserved for the people that others considered "lower" than themselves. Jesus, as the ultimate example, washed his disciples feet willingly, without complaint and with a joyful and loving heart. This is our example on how God calls us to serve others.

Today I walked into school right as the bell was ringing. A few people said that I had been paged to the office. I put down my bag and quickly made my way through the halls to where I was needed. The secretary at the front desk said that I was needed to cover in a 5th grade class for the morning. "Absolutely" I answered, but my mind surely wasn't thinking that. This is an inconvenience, I thought....I need to be with the teachers that I am assigned to and work with the students that are expecting me. This attitude was affecting my mindset for the day. Why was this happening?? As the students were walking in the door, I started mumbling to the teacher across the hall when she asked why I was in that particular classroom. Her response stopped me in my tracks and put a halt to my selfish thoughts. "They must have really needed you in here this morning," she said. "Yes, I answered, they really must have. God was speaking to me loud and clear!!

Here I am, the past few weeks, listening to sermons about serving, attending a weekly bible study, and when I am put in a position to do just that, I mumble, complain and wish that I was doing what I want to do!! How selfish of me!! Why is it so easy to fall into that trap and want to fulfill only our own desires?? Well, it is not all about me as much as I wish it was and Jesus calls to us each day to serve and do it with joy and love. I love the verse in Phillipians 2:3-4 that says: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Today I was only looking to my own interests and not even considering the interests of others around me. I am so glad that I have a Lord that will forgive me and give me another chance. :)

My prayer is that each and every time I am presented with the opportunity to serve whether it be at work, at home, for my children, or for a stranger, that I look upon that as a blessing sent from God. As more opportunities are presented and I step out of the way, I know that I will experience the joy of serving Him and in the process strengthen my faith and my relationship with Christ.

So, my heart is now not so heavy as when I began this post. I am thankful for the lesson that God taught me today. I am thankful that He has opened my mind to listening to Him. I am strengthened knowing that He will provide many, many more opportunities for me to experience Him through my service.

Such precious words

Tonight is Monday. Monday's are very busy. Landon and Dan are at wrestling until 6ish and Dalton and I have a date night every week. We have BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). We eat dinner early and then leave and don't return home until around 9:30. Usually dinner is rushed and on the run.

Dalton had PB and J and Mac and cheese tonight....what a great kid's meal!! :) As he was eating, I was on my computer checking my e-mail. Dalton said, "Mom, thank you for my PB and J...it is really good! You're welcome", I replied without turning from the computer. "Mom, Dalton continued...."Thank you for giving me life!" I couldn't believe my ears. What beautiful words and what precious insight my sweet Dalton has. I gave him a big hug and said, "You are welcome!" He had no idea how his words blessed my heart!!

Each evening when I go to bed at night, I always try to replay the day in my head. I really try to focus on how God worked in and through me during the day and what happened that I am truly thankful for. I will not need to do that tonight as I am so touched and thankful for the words that Dalton spoke to me tonight. I love him so very much!!

Thank you sweet Goopy Lane!!

Valentine's Day 2010

Today is Valentine's day. I don't really know how I exactly feel about this day, but I do believe that it is important to show and tell the people you love EVERY day that you love them. You don't ever know when your last day will be, so telling those dearest to you that you love them is so important!!

My husband, Dan is not romantic. He never has been and I don't think he ever will be. This was difficult for me for a very long time. I really wanted to be swept off of my feet with kisses and roses and have surprises waiting for me around every corner. Well....it never happened. Over the almost 19 years that we have been married, I have had to get over my big bad self and realize that it is NOT all about me!! As much as I wish it was, it is NOT!! :) I will tell you though that my husband expresses his love for me and for his family in a completely different way than I wanted him to, but it is better than anything that I could have wished for.

Dan is a dedicated and hard working man. Whether it is for his business, for me or for his children, he does everything to the very best of his ability. He NEVER slacks off or leaves any task unfinished. He is trustworthy and does what he says he is going to do. He coaches his sons in baseball and wrestling, he serves on our neighborhood civic league, he is active at church and has led many bible studies, he constantly helps around the house to keep things tidy and neat, he gives of himself to neighbors and friends.

Today being Valentine's day, we returned home from church and he got dressed in his "work" clothes. He came downstairs and announced that he was going to clean the bathrooms. Now you are probably thinking....."ah, that is so nice for him to do on Valentine's day for you"and it really is, BUT Dan does this all the time for me, not just on Valentine's Day. I am not prissy about much at all, but I absolutely HATE to clean bathrooms...it really grosses me out. Dan knows that and he cleans all three of our bathrooms from top to bottom at least once or twice a month. It usually takes him a few hours and if you have been to our home, our bathrooms are not big...they are tiny. He takes the shower doors off of the hinges and scrubs them, he scrubs the grout, the toilet and the sink. If it is in the bathroom, he completely cleans it until it is void of germs.

Dan is humble and does it without complaining or murmuring things under his breath to me!! :) Because I can be very thick sometimes, I have finally realized that this is the way that he shows his love for me. Dan will do many things around the house that others may think are the woman's job and he always does it with a glad heart. Vacuuming, dusting, folding clothes, emptying the dishwasher, making the bed, etc, etc, etc it is always completed thoroughly and wonderfully!!

I am so thankful for this gift that Dan gives to me each and every day. It is not roses or candy, but something even better. Dan gives selflessly of himself to do something for me that I don't like to do. What better sacrifice can a husband give to his wife???

My prayer is that God will continue to allow me to realize what a gift my husband is to me, to not be self-serving and self-centered, and not to wish for roses and candy when I have so much more!! I am truly blessed everyday with Dan and not just Valentine's Day!!

Motherhood

Motherhood is truly a gift. From the time I became pregnant in 1995, I knew that the miracle of life growing inside of me would have a huge impact on my life, but I had no idea what that meant at the time.

Fast forward almost 14 years and two children later and I don't feel that I am much better at my job then I was then. This calling is always changing...(darn those children...they grow up!! ) :) Each stage of their life requires me to learn more and adjust to the stage that they are in at the moment. Motherhood is so difficult, but so rewarding.

I remember the night of June 15th, 1996 very clearly...almost as if it was yesterday. Dan and I were up late that evening with pregnancy books all over the bed. We were trying to decide if I was really in labor or not!! By 3 a.m, I had decided that even if I wasn't, we were going to the hospital to find out!! By 10:30 on June 16th, I had given birth to Landon Daniel who weighed 7lbs exactly with black hair and brown eyes. It was Father's Day and I really felt like I gave Dan the best present possible!! :) Bringing him home was almost surreal....how could they send this precious bundle home with us when I had no idea what to do??? I flipped out at the nurse pushing my wheelchair out to the car...they had taken Landon's blanket off of him that they had swaddled him with and said that we could not keep it. How dare they??!! I was not pleased with this decision and Dan had to step in and let me know that it was all going to be okay. Driving home, I could not believe that 1 day ago our family was 2 and now it was 3!! Those were some of the hardest days of my life....I struggled terribly with post partum depression and at that point did not want to admit that for fear that someone would think I was a terrible mother. I loved this baby beyond measure, but on the other hand wondered, "What have we done?" My love continued to grow and blossom. I would die for this baby, but I felt so inadequate to do my job the "right way" As Landon grew and matured, I did not think that I could have another baby and love him/her as much as I loved him. Landon was a great baby......could I do this again??

Well when Landon was 4, after trying for over a year to conceive, Dalton Lane was born on July 3, 2000. My preganancy with Dalton was very different from Landon's and I was also 4 years older. I believed that I was a "good mother" based on Landon's growth and behavior to this point in time. Dan and I used to joke and say "Can you believe what great parents we are?" Okay, so you probably know what is coming.....Dalton's labor was very painful and difficult and he was 8lbs and 12 oz when he was born. I remember after he was just born, the nurses carrying him over to the scale and weighing him....all I heard was "whoa, he is a big one!" Dalton was a great baby as well, but I also suffered with post partum with him as well on an even bigger scale than Landon. As Dalton grew, Dan and I found out that our parenting wasn't as good as we thought it was. Dalton was very strong willed and did not give in to authority. We tried everything that we thought of, but nothing worked. Temper tantrums, biting and screaming were very typical in our home for many years.

I believe that when I look back on the stages that both of the boys have passed through the common denominator is love. You just cannot do it without love. I also know that I am loved by a creator who is with me every step of the way through motherhood. I love both of my boys with all of my heart and would do anything for either of them. They have very different personalities, but both of them have kind hearts that are full of love for others. I fail each and everyday. I say things that I shouldn't, I do things that I should not do, BUT when I am wrong I always apologize. I want my boys to know that I am not always right and that I make mistakes, but that God is perfect and is there for them eternally. I want my boys to posess the fruits of the spirit that come only from following Christ and NOT me. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are all characteristics that I pray will continue to develop in each of my sons.

As I continue through this season of Motherhood, Landon is now a full blown teenager and Dalton is almost ten, entering the pre-teen years. My mothering again has to shift....There are days when Landon drives me absolutely crazy with his ranting and Dalton is still running around in his Star Wars costumes with guns asking for T video games!! Love is consistent and my prayers are constant!!

When my boys are grown, my prayer is that they will look back on their mothering with fondness, appreciation and respect. I pray that they will know that I am doing the best that I can and that God picks me up each and every time that I fall. I pray that they know I love them with every fiber of my being and that my life is fulfilled knowing that I have two beautiful sons who have blessed my life in every way possible.

I am thankful for the gift of motherhood, but humbled by the notion that I cannot do it alone and need God's help every day...be it good, bad or indifferent.

Faith

Faith.....

Hebrews 11:1: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

John 14:12: I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.

Corrie Ten Boom: Faith is like radar that sees through the fog.

Faith...it is one of the most important things in my life, it is so difficult to explain, BUT I know that it is true!! I love the bible verses above because they are the perfect words to express the idea of faith.

We can have faith in many things; family members, friends, churches, community groups, our kids, sports teams, ourselves, our spouses, our jobs, etc..... The only true faith though that is CERTAIN and non-falliable is faith in Christ. All of the other things that I mentioned can and will fail us. No earthly thing can provide the faith that Christ gives us when we allow Him to rule our lives.

I have faith in heaven and that when I die, I will go to this glorious place that has no pain, no tears and no fears. I am sure of heaven, but have never seen this. I know this though because God keeps all of His promises. He says that when we die, He has prepared a place for us and that we will live eternally. I also know that because of my faith that I have been able to do things that I never thought possible for myself. This is because of the strength and courage that the Holy Spirit gives to me. I have been able to be a part of God's plan here on earth and carry on with my mission because of Christ in me. I am also able to come along side of other Christians and fulfill things that He wants me to do through the power of all of us working together.

I worry about my faith though too....I wonder sometimes if something truly tragic were to happen with one of my children, my husband, my parents, etc...how would I handle this?? How would I be tested?

James 1:2-3 says: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So the answer to my questions above is that I need to consider trials pure joy. It is a testing of my faith and will develop perseverance in my character. This is an area where I just need to put my trust in God and pray that when a trial occurs in my life that my faith can sustain it and that I am stronger in my faith because of it.

I love Corrie Ten Boom who wrote The Hiding Place. She is one of the most amazing women that I have ever read about. Her faith goes beyond understanding and is such an inspiration to me. She was a survivor of Hitler's concentration camps and this book tells in detail about her faith and how she survived the horrors of living there. Her quote; Faith is like radar that sees through the fog is how I can relate my everyday experiences good and bad to how God is working in my life. I know that God is good and that good comes out of everything that happens when you have faith. This is something that I trust and also something that I learn each day of my life.

I believe that my faith will see me through good days, bad days, healthy days and sick days. I must hold on to my radar to be able to see through the fog of this world, until I am with Him in heaven.

Me?? A blogger??

I can't believe it.....my first blog post. I never would have called myself a blogger and didn't even think about one until reading my friend April's posts on her blog. April is a wonderful writer and is able to express herself beautifully through vivid descriptions. One night while trying to go to sleep, I really felt that God was saying to me....."Try a blog.....I want you to write your thoughts and share them with others!!" So, here I am....a beginner at blogging with so many thoughts running through my mind about what I want to write about.


My subtitle on my blog is faith, motherhood and teaching. These are the areas of my life that impact me most thus the decision to subtitle my blog with these words. Faith is completely interwoven into every aspect of my life, so that will always be first and foremost in my blogs. How is my faith growing? Being stretched? Stagnant? How does my faith affect my mothering, my family and friendships, and the way that I touch young lives through teaching?? What is God calling me to do?? How is He moving in my life and working through me to bring others to Him?


I am so thankful for April's friendship, for her willingness to help me and encourage me to blog and for her authentic personality. God is good and continues to shower blessings on me. I am very excited to see how He works through this blog!!