Age of Opportunity

Age of Opportunity.......what does that phrase conjure up in your mind?? If you have a teenager does it remind you of them??? If you would have asked me that question just two weeks ago, I would have chuckled and said that I am just trying to make it through these crazy teens!!
Don't get me wrong........Landon, my 14 year old is a wonderful young man. He is well behaved, mannerly and very handsome too!! BUT, the mood swings, the hormones, the messy room, the grunts and groans, the eye rolling, and the smart mouth does get to be a bit much at times. Our relationship is good, but at times I almost feel as if we are enemies. I love him with all of my heart and soul, but can't stand his behavior at times!! I have always known that God probably wouldn't want it to be this way, but what can I do??? I pray, I lecture, I complain, I discuss with other mothers and mentors, etc, etc, etc... Was I doomed to be the nagger with Landon as the nagee??
God is so good and His timing is ALWAYS perfect. Last year, Dan and I were participants in a wonderful class at our church called Raising Teens. We loved the class and learned so much. Once the 10 week class ended, we had made many friends and wanted to continue meeting. Believe it or not, every couple in the class committed to getting together once a week, studying the bible and how to apply it to our teens' lives. Since last October, we all have been doing just that........meeting once a week and really digging into understanding our teens. We shared together and prayed for each other and our children. Our study in the spring was Running the Rapids and was very helpful in comprehending why our teens act the way that they do at times. BUT, this fall we began a book entitled Age of Opportunity.....A biblical guide to parenting teens......in two weeks I am already changing the way that I think and the way that I deal with Landon. It is amazing what I am seeing!!
This study begins with understanding a basic but difficult fact......anything that occurs during the teen years is NOT too much for our God to handle. They are not unreachable and we as parents need to completely embrace that the power of the gospel is something that can never be stopped. God is sovereign and rules over everyone and everything. He is in control. We as parents have been recruited by Him to be a Godly example to our children and teach them the way that God has taught us through His word and our experiences. The teen years expose the wrong thoughts and desires of our own hearts. They tend to bring out the worst in us.
I totally cringe when I think of some of the things that I have said to my children in anger and frustration. Even though I always apologize and admit to my wrongdoing, I have guilt about flying off of the handle. No words that I have said can be put back into my mouth. UGH!!! So, this leaves me to examine myself very closely and pray about God helping me to become the parent that He designed me to be. I can't do it alone.
I learned last week that I have idols.......not ones that our world tends to think of; movie stars, athletes, desires for material things,climbing the corporate ladder, but idols that distort how I view parenting and that tend to control my heart more than God himself. My two biggest idols are appreciation and comfort. I so want Landon and Dalton to appreciate all that we do for them. But, I want them to say it and live it......is this feasible?? In my world it is, it has to be my way!! I want them to always say thank you and verbalize how thankful they are to have what they do, and thank us for taking them on vacation, and thank me for doing their laundry, making their beds, cleaning their rooms, packing their lunches, driving them all over town...........you get the picture. But, how many teens do you know that get off of the bus, enter your home and say, "Boy mom, I was just thinking on the bus how thankful I am for you and Dad and all of the sacrifices that you make for me. I am so appreciative and I love you so much. What can I do for you today???" Are you laughing yet?? I know that teens are biologically filled with self orientation and self interest much more than with appreciation for others at this point in their lives.
I need to ask myself, " Why do I do what I do?? Whom am I serving?" I must stop thinking with the " I serve you, you appreciate me" attitude. If this is all that I am looking for, then I am going to miss out on wonderful opportunities to love, grow and connect with Landon emotionally and spiritually. I need to take these opportunities and gently point Landon to Him who provides every good and perfect gift and let go of the anger that I feel as if Landon is doing this personally to me.
My other idol is comfort. Life is not a resort, but boy I wish that it was....things would be so much easier!! Don't we as parents have the right to quiet, harmony, peace and respect?? When we don't get this, how do we respond?? Well, if you act like I do at times, I get angry and impatient. Again, embracing the moments and looking to Him for strength, words and guidance is the only way to fill my heart with His love and joy and not my expectations which always fall very short.
My goal for Landon and Dalton is for them to be kind, loving, peaceful, patient, self controlled and full of joy regardless of situations in their lives. These are fruits of the spirit which I can model with only God's grace. Once I acknowledge that their teen years are all about molding them to God's image and not my own which is sinful, then the opportunites will be there. I am seeing this already and can't wait to see how God continues to work through me to reach my children. My job as a mother is truly the highest calling that I can have.

God at my Doorstep!!

It is the end of August and that time is quickly approaching....school!! I have bittersweet feelings about it selfishly for myself, but for my children, I am ready for them to go back!!
We have had a wonderful summer....traveling to Pittsburgh, Kennywood Park, days at the beach and Ocean Breeze Water Park as well as our family vacation to Florida. As the summer is winding to an end, my patience is getting shorter and shorter. One of the big reasons for this is because I am a bit tired of being "Julie the cruise director" for all of my children's summer activities. They are getting a bit lazy and bickering pretty much non-stop. I wonder if any other mothers can relate to this??? :)
It seems as if my scolding and correcting are falling on deaf ears and quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing myself speak. I think that my voice to my children at this point is like the teachers in Charlie Brown....whaaa, whaaa, whaa......
Well, yesterday at just the right time, God showed up at my doorstep in the form of a young man representing TADA. For those of you that don't know, TADA is Teens against Drugs and Alcohol. It is an organization that promotes manners, hard work and a place for at-risk teens to be taught responsiblity and to have memorable outings with other teens. Everytime that they come to my doorstep (which is about twice a year), I am so happy to support them. The boys are polite and well mannered and so appreciative.
Randy was the angel that appeared yesterday. After buying Reese's cups and Skittles, my boys and I engaged in a great 10 minute conversation with him. He shared that he was going into 10th grade and that he wanted to hang with the right people and make wise choices for his life. This was why he joined TADA. He continued by addressing my sons; "Make sure that you treat your mother well....she and your dad work so hard to provide this beautiful home for you, work hard in school so that you can get a good job after college." These truths just came flowing out of his mouth!! I then asked him if he had brothers or sisters. He replied yes and I asked him if they got along. He said, "For the most part....." but then he continued to my boys, " Make sure that you love one another and really try to get along because one day when your mom and dad are gone....you will still have each other. I was flabbergasted.......what awesome words and lessons from someone that has probably experienced more heartache and poverty than my boys will ever know possible.
As the end of the discussion was approaching, he mentioned the Lord and how he needed to get Him back in his life. I added that He is the most important thing in your life and when you follow His path all of your paths are made straight. He agreed and said that he also wanted to get back to church. I encouraged him to do that as soon as he could!!
As Randy walked away, I was so touched. His words came from above and maybe now I can bear the next few weeks before school begins again!!! :)

A Monday of Thanks

Here is it...Memorial Day Monday and I am full of things to share that I am thankful for. I pray that this weekend was as relaxing and special for you as it was for me.

#21-40
painted toenails
intense bike ride
honesty
sunshine
texting
a hard-working husband
clean clothes
running skirt
garden tomatoes and fresh avocados
a blue sky with puffy white clouds
Memorial Day
selfless soldiers
Day off with the family
Dalton's smile after a new accomplishment
sweat from sunbathing
a baby's toes
First Landing State park's running trails
ice cold water
Sunday sermons
developing new friendships

So thankful for yet another week of blessings..................... :)

Everyday Blessings

My dear friend, Sue introduced me to the blog, A Holy Experience. Everytime that I click on it and consume what has been written, I tear up. The music that accompanies the gifted writing convicts me and I am completely in awe of what the author, Ann Voskamp has crafted. Each Monday is dedicated to a theme entitled Multitude Monday. This is an ongoing list of the multitudes of gifts that the Lord blesses us with each day.

I don't know about you, but life is difficult. Days go by and it seems as if busyness, responsibilities and just "stuff" always seems to get in the way. There are many days that pass where I don't know if I even realize the blessings that I am missing. My prayer is that God will open my eyes and my heart to recognize the special gifts that He bestows on me and that I can see, feel, hear, taste and touch every single one. Through the next couple of months, Mondays will be my day to reflect on the gift that life truly is and share it on this blog.

#1-20:

instant oatmeal
a hot shower
singing birds in the morning
flip flops
a hug from behind when all I can see is a student's sweet little hands
breakfast duty
A "good morning" smile
driving to school everyday with Dalton
lunch with colleagues
grocery shopping at Trader Joe's
fresh vegetables
reading about and relating to Peter
cheering with Landon for Dalton at his baseball game
watching the joy on Dan's face while he is coaching
seeing a friend I haven't seen in a while
feeling the cool breeze of a fan
alone time
seeing God work through this blog
bare feet
my sweet son sleeping next to me

The Innocence of our Children

Video games.....love them or hate them, they are a reality to any parent with children regardless of their ages. My sons enjoy playing them, especially Dalton. I definitely have policies regarding the games on the DS and on the WII. Neither of my boys are permitted to play during the school week and this has always been our family rule. They are used to it now, even though they haven't embraced the rule wholeheartedly.
I encountered a situation this past weekend that not only angered me, but truly made me sad. Dalton was invited to a birthday party where a large bus that was converted into a mobile video game fantasy land was going to be the main attraction. The concept is brilliant. A bus with 15 or more flat screen tv's and comfortable chairs for the children to sit and play video games for two hours. The games are networked so that the children can play against each other. What child in our world today would not love this???
As we approached the bus on Saturday, Dalton's excitement was undeniable. He was chomping at the bit to open the door and just glance at what was inside. We walked up the steps and knocked to gain our entry. The door was pushed open and we entered into another world. Every child was seated in front of their own screen intently playing a video game. Dark curtains covered the windows to make the scene resemble one in a movie theatre.
I glanced at the screen and saw lifelike figures being shot and killed. My motherly instinct immediately became activated and I inquired as to what game was being played. The answer was Halo. Halo? I thought to myself. Isn't that one of the most violent games that has been made and it is rated M for Mature or in other words basically like an R rated movie? Aren't all of these children 9 and 10??? After answering my own questions in my mind with a definitive YES, I turned to the owner and began to speak but before I could, he was telling me about how this version that is networked is not really that bad. My response was, " I hear what you are saying, but my child is only permitted to play E games." (which are rated acceptable for everyone) The next tactic used on me was that if my son couldn't play Halo then no one could play because they were all networked. My response; " I am sorry to be the bad guy, but he cannot play and M games for my son are unacceptable." A huge blessing after this comment was that another mother had her instincts on high alert and said the same went for her son too!! The game was stopped and an acceptable replacement was put in. After kissing my son goodbye, (who by the way was NOT happy with me....oh well!!) I left with confidence knowing that I did the right thing, but so upset that I even had to encounter a situation like this when my son is only 9.
Why is it that our world wants our children to grow up so fast? Why is it necessary for our children to be bombarded with images that are NOT appropriate for them? Why don't more people stand up against this type of situation instead of giving in to the pressure of the world??
My son is 9 years old. He does not need to hear cussing in movies or sexual innuendos, he does not need to see violence being truthfully portrayed on a video game or on television. He is too young for all of this. God made his mind innocent and that is why movies and video games are rated. Our world is so broken and sin surrounds us everywhere that we go. I do not want to cloud or dirty his mind with things that are not necessary. He hears enough from the news and from friends at school and on the bus. Our children grow up way too fast as it is. I want him to enjoy his pureness of mind and his innocence of childhood as long as he can. Don't misunderstand me, I do not want him to be clueless to the world or naive, BUT, there is a proper time and place for everything. M rated video games are not proper or appropriate for his precious and moldable heart and mind.
As a parent, I know that I am in the minority. That is okay. My job as a parent and as a representative of God to my children is to protect them and keep them from harm, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. I know that I did my piece this past weekend to protect my son. I love him with all of my being and his time as a child will pass by way too fast. He has many adult years to make his own choices about what he will watch and how he lives his life. My prayer is that molding him now with the morals from God will be planted deep in his heart and that he will not turn from them when he is older.
I know that I just need to hold fast to my beliefs whether they are "old fashioned" or not. The God of the universe did not say that this life would be easy, in fact he says that we will suffer and encounter many hardships. This situation for me is just the beginning. BUT, knowing that I have a God that will never fail in what he instructs me to do as a parent is enough comfort to see me through my childrens' most difficult years.

Philippians 4:8

Finally brothers whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Such precious words

Tonight is Monday. Monday's are very busy. Landon and Dan are at wrestling until 6ish and Dalton and I have a date night every week. We have BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). We eat dinner early and then leave and don't return home until around 9:30. Usually dinner is rushed and on the run.

Dalton had PB and J and Mac and cheese tonight....what a great kid's meal!! :) As he was eating, I was on my computer checking my e-mail. Dalton said, "Mom, thank you for my PB and J...it is really good! You're welcome", I replied without turning from the computer. "Mom, Dalton continued...."Thank you for giving me life!" I couldn't believe my ears. What beautiful words and what precious insight my sweet Dalton has. I gave him a big hug and said, "You are welcome!" He had no idea how his words blessed my heart!!

Each evening when I go to bed at night, I always try to replay the day in my head. I really try to focus on how God worked in and through me during the day and what happened that I am truly thankful for. I will not need to do that tonight as I am so touched and thankful for the words that Dalton spoke to me tonight. I love him so very much!!

Thank you sweet Goopy Lane!!

Motherhood

Motherhood is truly a gift. From the time I became pregnant in 1995, I knew that the miracle of life growing inside of me would have a huge impact on my life, but I had no idea what that meant at the time.

Fast forward almost 14 years and two children later and I don't feel that I am much better at my job then I was then. This calling is always changing...(darn those children...they grow up!! ) :) Each stage of their life requires me to learn more and adjust to the stage that they are in at the moment. Motherhood is so difficult, but so rewarding.

I remember the night of June 15th, 1996 very clearly...almost as if it was yesterday. Dan and I were up late that evening with pregnancy books all over the bed. We were trying to decide if I was really in labor or not!! By 3 a.m, I had decided that even if I wasn't, we were going to the hospital to find out!! By 10:30 on June 16th, I had given birth to Landon Daniel who weighed 7lbs exactly with black hair and brown eyes. It was Father's Day and I really felt like I gave Dan the best present possible!! :) Bringing him home was almost surreal....how could they send this precious bundle home with us when I had no idea what to do??? I flipped out at the nurse pushing my wheelchair out to the car...they had taken Landon's blanket off of him that they had swaddled him with and said that we could not keep it. How dare they??!! I was not pleased with this decision and Dan had to step in and let me know that it was all going to be okay. Driving home, I could not believe that 1 day ago our family was 2 and now it was 3!! Those were some of the hardest days of my life....I struggled terribly with post partum depression and at that point did not want to admit that for fear that someone would think I was a terrible mother. I loved this baby beyond measure, but on the other hand wondered, "What have we done?" My love continued to grow and blossom. I would die for this baby, but I felt so inadequate to do my job the "right way" As Landon grew and matured, I did not think that I could have another baby and love him/her as much as I loved him. Landon was a great baby......could I do this again??

Well when Landon was 4, after trying for over a year to conceive, Dalton Lane was born on July 3, 2000. My preganancy with Dalton was very different from Landon's and I was also 4 years older. I believed that I was a "good mother" based on Landon's growth and behavior to this point in time. Dan and I used to joke and say "Can you believe what great parents we are?" Okay, so you probably know what is coming.....Dalton's labor was very painful and difficult and he was 8lbs and 12 oz when he was born. I remember after he was just born, the nurses carrying him over to the scale and weighing him....all I heard was "whoa, he is a big one!" Dalton was a great baby as well, but I also suffered with post partum with him as well on an even bigger scale than Landon. As Dalton grew, Dan and I found out that our parenting wasn't as good as we thought it was. Dalton was very strong willed and did not give in to authority. We tried everything that we thought of, but nothing worked. Temper tantrums, biting and screaming were very typical in our home for many years.

I believe that when I look back on the stages that both of the boys have passed through the common denominator is love. You just cannot do it without love. I also know that I am loved by a creator who is with me every step of the way through motherhood. I love both of my boys with all of my heart and would do anything for either of them. They have very different personalities, but both of them have kind hearts that are full of love for others. I fail each and everyday. I say things that I shouldn't, I do things that I should not do, BUT when I am wrong I always apologize. I want my boys to know that I am not always right and that I make mistakes, but that God is perfect and is there for them eternally. I want my boys to posess the fruits of the spirit that come only from following Christ and NOT me. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are all characteristics that I pray will continue to develop in each of my sons.

As I continue through this season of Motherhood, Landon is now a full blown teenager and Dalton is almost ten, entering the pre-teen years. My mothering again has to shift....There are days when Landon drives me absolutely crazy with his ranting and Dalton is still running around in his Star Wars costumes with guns asking for T video games!! Love is consistent and my prayers are constant!!

When my boys are grown, my prayer is that they will look back on their mothering with fondness, appreciation and respect. I pray that they will know that I am doing the best that I can and that God picks me up each and every time that I fall. I pray that they know I love them with every fiber of my being and that my life is fulfilled knowing that I have two beautiful sons who have blessed my life in every way possible.

I am thankful for the gift of motherhood, but humbled by the notion that I cannot do it alone and need God's help every day...be it good, bad or indifferent.