Age of Opportunity

Age of Opportunity.......what does that phrase conjure up in your mind?? If you have a teenager does it remind you of them??? If you would have asked me that question just two weeks ago, I would have chuckled and said that I am just trying to make it through these crazy teens!!
Don't get me wrong........Landon, my 14 year old is a wonderful young man. He is well behaved, mannerly and very handsome too!! BUT, the mood swings, the hormones, the messy room, the grunts and groans, the eye rolling, and the smart mouth does get to be a bit much at times. Our relationship is good, but at times I almost feel as if we are enemies. I love him with all of my heart and soul, but can't stand his behavior at times!! I have always known that God probably wouldn't want it to be this way, but what can I do??? I pray, I lecture, I complain, I discuss with other mothers and mentors, etc, etc, etc... Was I doomed to be the nagger with Landon as the nagee??
God is so good and His timing is ALWAYS perfect. Last year, Dan and I were participants in a wonderful class at our church called Raising Teens. We loved the class and learned so much. Once the 10 week class ended, we had made many friends and wanted to continue meeting. Believe it or not, every couple in the class committed to getting together once a week, studying the bible and how to apply it to our teens' lives. Since last October, we all have been doing just that........meeting once a week and really digging into understanding our teens. We shared together and prayed for each other and our children. Our study in the spring was Running the Rapids and was very helpful in comprehending why our teens act the way that they do at times. BUT, this fall we began a book entitled Age of Opportunity.....A biblical guide to parenting teens......in two weeks I am already changing the way that I think and the way that I deal with Landon. It is amazing what I am seeing!!
This study begins with understanding a basic but difficult fact......anything that occurs during the teen years is NOT too much for our God to handle. They are not unreachable and we as parents need to completely embrace that the power of the gospel is something that can never be stopped. God is sovereign and rules over everyone and everything. He is in control. We as parents have been recruited by Him to be a Godly example to our children and teach them the way that God has taught us through His word and our experiences. The teen years expose the wrong thoughts and desires of our own hearts. They tend to bring out the worst in us.
I totally cringe when I think of some of the things that I have said to my children in anger and frustration. Even though I always apologize and admit to my wrongdoing, I have guilt about flying off of the handle. No words that I have said can be put back into my mouth. UGH!!! So, this leaves me to examine myself very closely and pray about God helping me to become the parent that He designed me to be. I can't do it alone.
I learned last week that I have idols.......not ones that our world tends to think of; movie stars, athletes, desires for material things,climbing the corporate ladder, but idols that distort how I view parenting and that tend to control my heart more than God himself. My two biggest idols are appreciation and comfort. I so want Landon and Dalton to appreciate all that we do for them. But, I want them to say it and live it......is this feasible?? In my world it is, it has to be my way!! I want them to always say thank you and verbalize how thankful they are to have what they do, and thank us for taking them on vacation, and thank me for doing their laundry, making their beds, cleaning their rooms, packing their lunches, driving them all over town...........you get the picture. But, how many teens do you know that get off of the bus, enter your home and say, "Boy mom, I was just thinking on the bus how thankful I am for you and Dad and all of the sacrifices that you make for me. I am so appreciative and I love you so much. What can I do for you today???" Are you laughing yet?? I know that teens are biologically filled with self orientation and self interest much more than with appreciation for others at this point in their lives.
I need to ask myself, " Why do I do what I do?? Whom am I serving?" I must stop thinking with the " I serve you, you appreciate me" attitude. If this is all that I am looking for, then I am going to miss out on wonderful opportunities to love, grow and connect with Landon emotionally and spiritually. I need to take these opportunities and gently point Landon to Him who provides every good and perfect gift and let go of the anger that I feel as if Landon is doing this personally to me.
My other idol is comfort. Life is not a resort, but boy I wish that it was....things would be so much easier!! Don't we as parents have the right to quiet, harmony, peace and respect?? When we don't get this, how do we respond?? Well, if you act like I do at times, I get angry and impatient. Again, embracing the moments and looking to Him for strength, words and guidance is the only way to fill my heart with His love and joy and not my expectations which always fall very short.
My goal for Landon and Dalton is for them to be kind, loving, peaceful, patient, self controlled and full of joy regardless of situations in their lives. These are fruits of the spirit which I can model with only God's grace. Once I acknowledge that their teen years are all about molding them to God's image and not my own which is sinful, then the opportunites will be there. I am seeing this already and can't wait to see how God continues to work through me to reach my children. My job as a mother is truly the highest calling that I can have.

God at my Doorstep!!

It is the end of August and that time is quickly approaching....school!! I have bittersweet feelings about it selfishly for myself, but for my children, I am ready for them to go back!!
We have had a wonderful summer....traveling to Pittsburgh, Kennywood Park, days at the beach and Ocean Breeze Water Park as well as our family vacation to Florida. As the summer is winding to an end, my patience is getting shorter and shorter. One of the big reasons for this is because I am a bit tired of being "Julie the cruise director" for all of my children's summer activities. They are getting a bit lazy and bickering pretty much non-stop. I wonder if any other mothers can relate to this??? :)
It seems as if my scolding and correcting are falling on deaf ears and quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing myself speak. I think that my voice to my children at this point is like the teachers in Charlie Brown....whaaa, whaaa, whaa......
Well, yesterday at just the right time, God showed up at my doorstep in the form of a young man representing TADA. For those of you that don't know, TADA is Teens against Drugs and Alcohol. It is an organization that promotes manners, hard work and a place for at-risk teens to be taught responsiblity and to have memorable outings with other teens. Everytime that they come to my doorstep (which is about twice a year), I am so happy to support them. The boys are polite and well mannered and so appreciative.
Randy was the angel that appeared yesterday. After buying Reese's cups and Skittles, my boys and I engaged in a great 10 minute conversation with him. He shared that he was going into 10th grade and that he wanted to hang with the right people and make wise choices for his life. This was why he joined TADA. He continued by addressing my sons; "Make sure that you treat your mother well....she and your dad work so hard to provide this beautiful home for you, work hard in school so that you can get a good job after college." These truths just came flowing out of his mouth!! I then asked him if he had brothers or sisters. He replied yes and I asked him if they got along. He said, "For the most part....." but then he continued to my boys, " Make sure that you love one another and really try to get along because one day when your mom and dad are gone....you will still have each other. I was flabbergasted.......what awesome words and lessons from someone that has probably experienced more heartache and poverty than my boys will ever know possible.
As the end of the discussion was approaching, he mentioned the Lord and how he needed to get Him back in his life. I added that He is the most important thing in your life and when you follow His path all of your paths are made straight. He agreed and said that he also wanted to get back to church. I encouraged him to do that as soon as he could!!
As Randy walked away, I was so touched. His words came from above and maybe now I can bear the next few weeks before school begins again!!! :)

Not the picture perfect goodbye!

Yesterday I took Landon to UVA in Charlottesville for a wrestling camp that he has been looking forward to for months. It is just about a three hour trip from Virginia Beach. Check in was between 2 and 3, so planning ahead, I figured that we could go to church and leave pretty much after that.....around 11:15ish. I believe that I am way too optimistic at times about traffic around Hampton Roads. We ended up sitting in miles and miles of back-up on Interstate 64 and it took us almost 2 hours just to reach Williamsburg. So, ultimately we were late in arrival for camp.

My son, Landon is the typical teenager and was extremely irritated at me for the volume of traffic. I did a great job of staying calm and assuring him that things probably wouldn't be right on time and that he would be fine if we were a little bit delayed.

I was so thankful for my friend, Lizzie whose son was also attending the camp. She called me and let me know that the directions to check in were a bit confusing and she took the time to walk me through them. She also took my phone call as I was driving around searching for the dorms and calmed me down as I was frazzled beyond belief at 3:30 p.m.

As we arrived, we grabbed all of Landon's gear from the trunk and ran up a hill to check in. Sweat was dripping down the sides of my face as well as just about everywhere else in the 100 degree heat. As we approached I could see all of the wrestlers outside waiting for the camp to begin....not many parents were still there and my heart sunk knowing that we were really late and that my assurances about things not being on time were incorrect. Approaching the check in a woman stopped me and asked if we were the LoAlbo's. She directed us inside to turn in our forms and for Landon to get his dorm key. We headed towards the doors, but it was difficult because all of the wrestlers were coming outside for orientation. Landon had a confused and frustrated look on his face and was looking to me for answers. I walked in and turned in the forms and grabbed Landon's key. Landon had already headed up to his room and I met him there. We inserted the key and to add to our frustration, the key did not work. I just wanted to cry!!

Luckily two college aged counselors approached and asked if they could help. They tried the key as well and didn't have any success. (This definitely made me feel better and I kept some credibility with Landon too!!) They graciously offered to put Landon's belongings into their room until later that evening. We walked to the end of the dorm and put his things down. Landon grabbed his work out gear and quickly followed the counselors to orientation which had begun 10 minutes prior.

I was now realizing that I was leaving my son for three days and I wasn't going to get the kind of goodbye that I wanted. Well there it was again...me thinking that it was always about me and God saying, "Hello Tracy....it is not all about you....I am in charge!" I tentatively yelled to Landon, "Bye, bud....Have a wonderful time....I love you!!" I understood that I was NOT going to get a hug or a kiss and that was the price I was paying for running so late. To my absolute surprise and delight, the counselors turned to Landon and said, "You go and give your mom a hug and kiss goodbye!!!" Landon hesitated and looked to the counselors first to see if they were joking or serious. As he did this, Landon knew that they were serious and he ran towards me and embraced me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

How thankful I was for this!! It may seem like nothing, but it meant the world to me and I am so grateful that God placed these wonderful counselors in just the right place at the right time for me to receive a goodbye that I will treasure for the three days and nights Landon is not with us. This also is especially important because Landon forgot his cell phone and normally I would be bugging him with "I love you " and "I miss you" messages and since I am not able to do that now, that goodbye was extremely special to me.

Why do I doubt God?? I get so wrapped up in myself and the limits of time that I totally forget that God is always in control. Yesterday was a perfect example of this. God provided even when I was hot, irritated, and most ungrateful. My prayer is that I can remember this and know that even when things are not going my way, that God will always provide and come through in His perfect timing!!

Things to be thankful for this week:

#81-100:

college aged counselors

Ocean Breeze water park

Atlantic ocean

dolphins

beach time

caring pediatricians

Kerri

Sweet nieces and nephew in Charlottesville

summer bible study

authenticity

Dean's sermons

faces of joy

successful eye surgery

Piercing pagoda

friends that share their pools
Aunt Susan

Taylor Mary

driving school

pink seedless watermelon

fresh basil

Everyday Blessings

My dear friend, Sue introduced me to the blog, A Holy Experience. Everytime that I click on it and consume what has been written, I tear up. The music that accompanies the gifted writing convicts me and I am completely in awe of what the author, Ann Voskamp has crafted. Each Monday is dedicated to a theme entitled Multitude Monday. This is an ongoing list of the multitudes of gifts that the Lord blesses us with each day.

I don't know about you, but life is difficult. Days go by and it seems as if busyness, responsibilities and just "stuff" always seems to get in the way. There are many days that pass where I don't know if I even realize the blessings that I am missing. My prayer is that God will open my eyes and my heart to recognize the special gifts that He bestows on me and that I can see, feel, hear, taste and touch every single one. Through the next couple of months, Mondays will be my day to reflect on the gift that life truly is and share it on this blog.

#1-20:

instant oatmeal
a hot shower
singing birds in the morning
flip flops
a hug from behind when all I can see is a student's sweet little hands
breakfast duty
A "good morning" smile
driving to school everyday with Dalton
lunch with colleagues
grocery shopping at Trader Joe's
fresh vegetables
reading about and relating to Peter
cheering with Landon for Dalton at his baseball game
watching the joy on Dan's face while he is coaching
seeing a friend I haven't seen in a while
feeling the cool breeze of a fan
alone time
seeing God work through this blog
bare feet
my sweet son sleeping next to me

Not the weekend I expected............

The weather was perfect this weekend. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Dalton and I had thoroughly enjoyed the crowds and the excitement of the Final mile and were heading back to the car. He had baseball practice and I was going to go to the Middle School wrestling championships at Salem Middle School.

I jumped in the car with excitement knowing that Landon had already wrestled one match and I was looking forward to arriving in time for the second one. I glanced down at my phone which I had left in the car during the race. I had 2 text messages. One was from HR Lax reminding me of a game which Landon wasn't able to attend. The other one was from Dan and only few words.......He lost to the Salem kid.

WHAT?????? Dan had to have typed in the text incorrectly.....(he isn't the best texter in the world)............I had to look down again and that is when my heart broke and the tears fell.

You see, Landon finished his Middle School wrestling season 8 and 0....undefeated. He only allowed 3 points against him the entire season. He was ranked the #1 seed in the North part of the city in his weight class. This was not supposed to happen. He was supposed to wrestle the opposition and make it to the finals with no issues....no problems. How could this happen? Why did this happen???

Well, let's say that my pride(not Landon's) got in the way. I believed that Landon was good and that he would go to the finals without a problem. I bragged a bit about him to people that asked. I don't usually do that, but I was SO confident that he was going to be successful that I allowed myself that option. Pride is dangerous. The definition of pride is a high opinion of ones own merit or importance. I believed that the importance of my son winning and my high opinion of his success so far, outweighed anything else. I couldn't even entertain the thought of him not getting to the championship round. So, when this did not happen, I was crushed. If I hadn't allowed these thoughts to get in the way.........maybe this would not have been so very painful.

Romans 12:3 says a lot.........For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment , in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

My downfall was taking pride in my son's accomplishments and not even considering how God was going to fit in the picture. I had prayed for Landon to be successful, of course God was going to allow that. Little did I know that God's success for Landon this weekend and my success for Landon were two totally different things.
After I dropped off Dalton and headed to see Landon....God really spoke to my heart. He very clearly said, "I bring good out of EVERYTHING and my ways are not always understandable to you, but trust me" I kept trying to push these thoughts away..."It wasn't fair, I thought. This is his last year in middle school....why, why???" As these truths really sunk in, I began to look at things through God's eyes and not my own. How was this situation good? What lesson am I learning? What lesson is Landon learning? How is he demonstrating God's goodness?
In the big scheme of life, I want my children to love God first and foremost. I then want them to be honest, loving, compassionate, hard working, humble, patient, good, gentle, kind, etc........I want the fruits of the spirit to make themselves loud and clear in their lives. This was God's definition of success for Landon this weekend. Landon accepted the loss with the integrity of a mature adult. He was composed and humble. He demonstrated the maturity of a fine young man. He cheered for his direct competitors and wished them the best. You see, if Landon would have won his first match, there may have not been the opportunity for me or for others to witness his maturity. There would not have been the many comments and e-mails and texts commending Landon's character and integrity. There would not have been the chance to let others know that God knows what He is doing.

My heart still aches, but I am no longer asking, "Why?" I know why and I know beyond measure that even though this will sting for a while, that the good that God brought out of this weekend far outweighs the aspect of Landon winning that match. There will be many other opportunites for Landon to shine, but this weekend our family needed to be humbled and be reminded about what is really important in our lives..............

On this Monday, looking back on the weekend, I am completely amazed by my son's maturity and composure in the face of "losing" a match where everyone expected him to be victorious. I know now that Landon is a true winner in how he carries himself and what he deems important in his life. Thank you God for this lesson, even though it hurts. You are good all of the time!!

A mature (sometimes) Teenager!!

Mature and teenager.

These words tend to be an oxymoron!! They are not usually used in the same sentence, but I have to share the maturity of my 13 1/2 year old son, Landon.

For the past several months, Landon's 8th grade class has been planning a trip to NYC. This was to be the culmination of three years of hard work and studying in the MYP program before graduating to high school next year. Two broadway shows, Ellis Island, Museum of Art and just the excitement of a big city were all of the things that Landon has been anticipating for months. He also earned half of the money himself to travel there by babysitting, dog sitting and saving his allowance diligently. Many memories were to be made with friends and adults that are very special to him.

Last Wednesday evening, he was all packed and ready to go. Suitcase, pillow, blanket for the bus, plenty of snacks, fully charged Ipod, digital camera, warm clothes, borrowed boots, gloves, a warm beanie and one very happy teenager......

He left for school on Thursday with a jump in his step knowing that in 24 hours his dreams of NYC were going to become reality.

Thursday afternoon though....Mother Nature had her own plans. Snow storms and a major winter storm warning became reality as the Northeastern part of the US was blanketed with snow and ice. By 5:00, the trip had been cancelled. My heart was broken when I heard the news. I know that when I am looking so forward to something and it doesn't come to fruition, I tend to pout and wonder why, why, why??? Landon texted Dan and me and let us know about the disappointment.

About an hour later, we met Landon at Lynnhaven Middle for his wrestling match that afternoon. I didn't really get to talk with him before he wrestled, but could definitely see that his mind was focused on his match and he didn't look as disappointed as I would have thought. Afterwards, we asked him if he would like to go to dinner as some sort of consolation for the cancellation of his trip. He agreed and we had a great family time together.

The discussion with Landon showed that he was disappointed in the outcome of events, but that overall it was okay. His optimism was to be commended. He was positive about the possibility of re-scheduling and he understood the danger that traveling in the winter weather posed.

When we arrived home from dinner that evening, Landon called down to me from his room....."Hey mom, now since our trip is cancelled, I can go to the Middle School program at church this weekend!" "You sure can, I answered.

I was blown away by this comment. I had been bummed that Landon was going to miss this program at church entitled W3 that was discussing relationships between girls and boys. Several of his friends were attending, but Landon wasn't scheduled to go because he was going to be in NYC. Now, he could attend and he wanted to and was excited about it!!

This (in my eyes) is maturity that I don't know if I could have displayed if I would have been in Landon's situation. He accepted the situation for what it was and moved forward never looking back.

God knew that all of this was going to happen. I believe that God knew that if they traveled to NY that it was a safety issue and that His mighty hand was protecting all of the precious children and adults that would have been traveling. I also believe that His plan was for Landon to be at church this weekend, learning more about Him and how to incorporate His plans into his life. Landon accepted all of this with an open and willing heart.

I am so proud of my son!!

SO, even though the words maturity and teenager tend to not be used in the same sentence very often, this is a time when I can clearly say that I am seeing fruit from my son that makes my heart swell!!

Motherhood

Motherhood is truly a gift. From the time I became pregnant in 1995, I knew that the miracle of life growing inside of me would have a huge impact on my life, but I had no idea what that meant at the time.

Fast forward almost 14 years and two children later and I don't feel that I am much better at my job then I was then. This calling is always changing...(darn those children...they grow up!! ) :) Each stage of their life requires me to learn more and adjust to the stage that they are in at the moment. Motherhood is so difficult, but so rewarding.

I remember the night of June 15th, 1996 very clearly...almost as if it was yesterday. Dan and I were up late that evening with pregnancy books all over the bed. We were trying to decide if I was really in labor or not!! By 3 a.m, I had decided that even if I wasn't, we were going to the hospital to find out!! By 10:30 on June 16th, I had given birth to Landon Daniel who weighed 7lbs exactly with black hair and brown eyes. It was Father's Day and I really felt like I gave Dan the best present possible!! :) Bringing him home was almost surreal....how could they send this precious bundle home with us when I had no idea what to do??? I flipped out at the nurse pushing my wheelchair out to the car...they had taken Landon's blanket off of him that they had swaddled him with and said that we could not keep it. How dare they??!! I was not pleased with this decision and Dan had to step in and let me know that it was all going to be okay. Driving home, I could not believe that 1 day ago our family was 2 and now it was 3!! Those were some of the hardest days of my life....I struggled terribly with post partum depression and at that point did not want to admit that for fear that someone would think I was a terrible mother. I loved this baby beyond measure, but on the other hand wondered, "What have we done?" My love continued to grow and blossom. I would die for this baby, but I felt so inadequate to do my job the "right way" As Landon grew and matured, I did not think that I could have another baby and love him/her as much as I loved him. Landon was a great baby......could I do this again??

Well when Landon was 4, after trying for over a year to conceive, Dalton Lane was born on July 3, 2000. My preganancy with Dalton was very different from Landon's and I was also 4 years older. I believed that I was a "good mother" based on Landon's growth and behavior to this point in time. Dan and I used to joke and say "Can you believe what great parents we are?" Okay, so you probably know what is coming.....Dalton's labor was very painful and difficult and he was 8lbs and 12 oz when he was born. I remember after he was just born, the nurses carrying him over to the scale and weighing him....all I heard was "whoa, he is a big one!" Dalton was a great baby as well, but I also suffered with post partum with him as well on an even bigger scale than Landon. As Dalton grew, Dan and I found out that our parenting wasn't as good as we thought it was. Dalton was very strong willed and did not give in to authority. We tried everything that we thought of, but nothing worked. Temper tantrums, biting and screaming were very typical in our home for many years.

I believe that when I look back on the stages that both of the boys have passed through the common denominator is love. You just cannot do it without love. I also know that I am loved by a creator who is with me every step of the way through motherhood. I love both of my boys with all of my heart and would do anything for either of them. They have very different personalities, but both of them have kind hearts that are full of love for others. I fail each and everyday. I say things that I shouldn't, I do things that I should not do, BUT when I am wrong I always apologize. I want my boys to know that I am not always right and that I make mistakes, but that God is perfect and is there for them eternally. I want my boys to posess the fruits of the spirit that come only from following Christ and NOT me. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are all characteristics that I pray will continue to develop in each of my sons.

As I continue through this season of Motherhood, Landon is now a full blown teenager and Dalton is almost ten, entering the pre-teen years. My mothering again has to shift....There are days when Landon drives me absolutely crazy with his ranting and Dalton is still running around in his Star Wars costumes with guns asking for T video games!! Love is consistent and my prayers are constant!!

When my boys are grown, my prayer is that they will look back on their mothering with fondness, appreciation and respect. I pray that they will know that I am doing the best that I can and that God picks me up each and every time that I fall. I pray that they know I love them with every fiber of my being and that my life is fulfilled knowing that I have two beautiful sons who have blessed my life in every way possible.

I am thankful for the gift of motherhood, but humbled by the notion that I cannot do it alone and need God's help every day...be it good, bad or indifferent.