Age of Opportunity

Age of Opportunity.......what does that phrase conjure up in your mind?? If you have a teenager does it remind you of them??? If you would have asked me that question just two weeks ago, I would have chuckled and said that I am just trying to make it through these crazy teens!!
Don't get me wrong........Landon, my 14 year old is a wonderful young man. He is well behaved, mannerly and very handsome too!! BUT, the mood swings, the hormones, the messy room, the grunts and groans, the eye rolling, and the smart mouth does get to be a bit much at times. Our relationship is good, but at times I almost feel as if we are enemies. I love him with all of my heart and soul, but can't stand his behavior at times!! I have always known that God probably wouldn't want it to be this way, but what can I do??? I pray, I lecture, I complain, I discuss with other mothers and mentors, etc, etc, etc... Was I doomed to be the nagger with Landon as the nagee??
God is so good and His timing is ALWAYS perfect. Last year, Dan and I were participants in a wonderful class at our church called Raising Teens. We loved the class and learned so much. Once the 10 week class ended, we had made many friends and wanted to continue meeting. Believe it or not, every couple in the class committed to getting together once a week, studying the bible and how to apply it to our teens' lives. Since last October, we all have been doing just that........meeting once a week and really digging into understanding our teens. We shared together and prayed for each other and our children. Our study in the spring was Running the Rapids and was very helpful in comprehending why our teens act the way that they do at times. BUT, this fall we began a book entitled Age of Opportunity.....A biblical guide to parenting teens......in two weeks I am already changing the way that I think and the way that I deal with Landon. It is amazing what I am seeing!!
This study begins with understanding a basic but difficult fact......anything that occurs during the teen years is NOT too much for our God to handle. They are not unreachable and we as parents need to completely embrace that the power of the gospel is something that can never be stopped. God is sovereign and rules over everyone and everything. He is in control. We as parents have been recruited by Him to be a Godly example to our children and teach them the way that God has taught us through His word and our experiences. The teen years expose the wrong thoughts and desires of our own hearts. They tend to bring out the worst in us.
I totally cringe when I think of some of the things that I have said to my children in anger and frustration. Even though I always apologize and admit to my wrongdoing, I have guilt about flying off of the handle. No words that I have said can be put back into my mouth. UGH!!! So, this leaves me to examine myself very closely and pray about God helping me to become the parent that He designed me to be. I can't do it alone.
I learned last week that I have idols.......not ones that our world tends to think of; movie stars, athletes, desires for material things,climbing the corporate ladder, but idols that distort how I view parenting and that tend to control my heart more than God himself. My two biggest idols are appreciation and comfort. I so want Landon and Dalton to appreciate all that we do for them. But, I want them to say it and live it......is this feasible?? In my world it is, it has to be my way!! I want them to always say thank you and verbalize how thankful they are to have what they do, and thank us for taking them on vacation, and thank me for doing their laundry, making their beds, cleaning their rooms, packing their lunches, driving them all over town...........you get the picture. But, how many teens do you know that get off of the bus, enter your home and say, "Boy mom, I was just thinking on the bus how thankful I am for you and Dad and all of the sacrifices that you make for me. I am so appreciative and I love you so much. What can I do for you today???" Are you laughing yet?? I know that teens are biologically filled with self orientation and self interest much more than with appreciation for others at this point in their lives.
I need to ask myself, " Why do I do what I do?? Whom am I serving?" I must stop thinking with the " I serve you, you appreciate me" attitude. If this is all that I am looking for, then I am going to miss out on wonderful opportunities to love, grow and connect with Landon emotionally and spiritually. I need to take these opportunities and gently point Landon to Him who provides every good and perfect gift and let go of the anger that I feel as if Landon is doing this personally to me.
My other idol is comfort. Life is not a resort, but boy I wish that it was....things would be so much easier!! Don't we as parents have the right to quiet, harmony, peace and respect?? When we don't get this, how do we respond?? Well, if you act like I do at times, I get angry and impatient. Again, embracing the moments and looking to Him for strength, words and guidance is the only way to fill my heart with His love and joy and not my expectations which always fall very short.
My goal for Landon and Dalton is for them to be kind, loving, peaceful, patient, self controlled and full of joy regardless of situations in their lives. These are fruits of the spirit which I can model with only God's grace. Once I acknowledge that their teen years are all about molding them to God's image and not my own which is sinful, then the opportunites will be there. I am seeing this already and can't wait to see how God continues to work through me to reach my children. My job as a mother is truly the highest calling that I can have.

Summer Thankfulness

As I sit here contemplating where the summer actually went, I have to say that wonderful memories of this summer warm my heart. It has been busy to say the least, but relaxing when I was craving that too!!
Here are some of the precious things that this summer has given to me:
1. Landon turning 14
2. Dalton turning 10
3. Celebrating 19 years of marriage
4. summer bible study at my church
5. Days of sleeping in
6. Early morning runs when I didn't sleep in
7. 1/2 marathon training runs in First Landing
8. Bike rides to Yotini's for yogurt
9. Hot days at the beach
10. A visit and time spent with a dear friend who moved
11. Pool days
12. Ocean Breeze water park
13. Camps for the boys and seeing them enjoy their time
14. Visit to Pittsburgh
15. Kennywood Park
16. Seeing my uncle for the first time in 30 years!!
17. Fireworks
18. Sunsets at the Bay
19. July 4th with community group
20. July 4th annual neighborhood picnic
21. prayer time with community group
22. Bible school for Dalton
23. Time reading books
24. dolphins playing in the water in Virginia Beach
25. Florida trip
26. Aquatica water park
27. Eating at Mezzaluna in Florida....YUM!!
28. Sea World
29. Nights at hotels on vacation
30. Summer thunderstorms
31. Dalton riding his first rollercoaster
32. Shopping in Williamsburg with Landon
33. BSF in Fredricksburg and girlfriend time
34. Nordstrom Rack
35. Cookouts
36. The grill
37. Sunburn
38. Lunches with friends
39. Cold smoothie after a long run
40. Seeing my nieces and nephews this summer
41. Bike ride to the Oceanfront with a friend and then to Starbucks
42. Dinner with my husband
43. light until almost 9
44. Lightning bugs
45. Swimming
46. Traveling to DC with my family
47. late nights for my boys
48. pedicures
49. bare feet
50. flip flops
51. Visits and sweet conversations with a former student who is now a dear friend
52. Dinner whenever
53. fresh cut grass
54. shorts and tank tops
55. wet bathing suits

I am so thankful for all that this summer of 2010 has given me. Change of seasons is difficult for me and I am having a hard time transitioning into the mode of fall. It is so comforting though that this precious time of year will happen once again...........my prayer is to enjoy the change and look for the sunshine this fall and winter.

God at my Doorstep!!

It is the end of August and that time is quickly approaching....school!! I have bittersweet feelings about it selfishly for myself, but for my children, I am ready for them to go back!!
We have had a wonderful summer....traveling to Pittsburgh, Kennywood Park, days at the beach and Ocean Breeze Water Park as well as our family vacation to Florida. As the summer is winding to an end, my patience is getting shorter and shorter. One of the big reasons for this is because I am a bit tired of being "Julie the cruise director" for all of my children's summer activities. They are getting a bit lazy and bickering pretty much non-stop. I wonder if any other mothers can relate to this??? :)
It seems as if my scolding and correcting are falling on deaf ears and quite frankly I am getting tired of hearing myself speak. I think that my voice to my children at this point is like the teachers in Charlie Brown....whaaa, whaaa, whaa......
Well, yesterday at just the right time, God showed up at my doorstep in the form of a young man representing TADA. For those of you that don't know, TADA is Teens against Drugs and Alcohol. It is an organization that promotes manners, hard work and a place for at-risk teens to be taught responsiblity and to have memorable outings with other teens. Everytime that they come to my doorstep (which is about twice a year), I am so happy to support them. The boys are polite and well mannered and so appreciative.
Randy was the angel that appeared yesterday. After buying Reese's cups and Skittles, my boys and I engaged in a great 10 minute conversation with him. He shared that he was going into 10th grade and that he wanted to hang with the right people and make wise choices for his life. This was why he joined TADA. He continued by addressing my sons; "Make sure that you treat your mother well....she and your dad work so hard to provide this beautiful home for you, work hard in school so that you can get a good job after college." These truths just came flowing out of his mouth!! I then asked him if he had brothers or sisters. He replied yes and I asked him if they got along. He said, "For the most part....." but then he continued to my boys, " Make sure that you love one another and really try to get along because one day when your mom and dad are gone....you will still have each other. I was flabbergasted.......what awesome words and lessons from someone that has probably experienced more heartache and poverty than my boys will ever know possible.
As the end of the discussion was approaching, he mentioned the Lord and how he needed to get Him back in his life. I added that He is the most important thing in your life and when you follow His path all of your paths are made straight. He agreed and said that he also wanted to get back to church. I encouraged him to do that as soon as he could!!
As Randy walked away, I was so touched. His words came from above and maybe now I can bear the next few weeks before school begins again!!! :)

Not the picture perfect goodbye!

Yesterday I took Landon to UVA in Charlottesville for a wrestling camp that he has been looking forward to for months. It is just about a three hour trip from Virginia Beach. Check in was between 2 and 3, so planning ahead, I figured that we could go to church and leave pretty much after that.....around 11:15ish. I believe that I am way too optimistic at times about traffic around Hampton Roads. We ended up sitting in miles and miles of back-up on Interstate 64 and it took us almost 2 hours just to reach Williamsburg. So, ultimately we were late in arrival for camp.

My son, Landon is the typical teenager and was extremely irritated at me for the volume of traffic. I did a great job of staying calm and assuring him that things probably wouldn't be right on time and that he would be fine if we were a little bit delayed.

I was so thankful for my friend, Lizzie whose son was also attending the camp. She called me and let me know that the directions to check in were a bit confusing and she took the time to walk me through them. She also took my phone call as I was driving around searching for the dorms and calmed me down as I was frazzled beyond belief at 3:30 p.m.

As we arrived, we grabbed all of Landon's gear from the trunk and ran up a hill to check in. Sweat was dripping down the sides of my face as well as just about everywhere else in the 100 degree heat. As we approached I could see all of the wrestlers outside waiting for the camp to begin....not many parents were still there and my heart sunk knowing that we were really late and that my assurances about things not being on time were incorrect. Approaching the check in a woman stopped me and asked if we were the LoAlbo's. She directed us inside to turn in our forms and for Landon to get his dorm key. We headed towards the doors, but it was difficult because all of the wrestlers were coming outside for orientation. Landon had a confused and frustrated look on his face and was looking to me for answers. I walked in and turned in the forms and grabbed Landon's key. Landon had already headed up to his room and I met him there. We inserted the key and to add to our frustration, the key did not work. I just wanted to cry!!

Luckily two college aged counselors approached and asked if they could help. They tried the key as well and didn't have any success. (This definitely made me feel better and I kept some credibility with Landon too!!) They graciously offered to put Landon's belongings into their room until later that evening. We walked to the end of the dorm and put his things down. Landon grabbed his work out gear and quickly followed the counselors to orientation which had begun 10 minutes prior.

I was now realizing that I was leaving my son for three days and I wasn't going to get the kind of goodbye that I wanted. Well there it was again...me thinking that it was always about me and God saying, "Hello Tracy....it is not all about you....I am in charge!" I tentatively yelled to Landon, "Bye, bud....Have a wonderful time....I love you!!" I understood that I was NOT going to get a hug or a kiss and that was the price I was paying for running so late. To my absolute surprise and delight, the counselors turned to Landon and said, "You go and give your mom a hug and kiss goodbye!!!" Landon hesitated and looked to the counselors first to see if they were joking or serious. As he did this, Landon knew that they were serious and he ran towards me and embraced me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

How thankful I was for this!! It may seem like nothing, but it meant the world to me and I am so grateful that God placed these wonderful counselors in just the right place at the right time for me to receive a goodbye that I will treasure for the three days and nights Landon is not with us. This also is especially important because Landon forgot his cell phone and normally I would be bugging him with "I love you " and "I miss you" messages and since I am not able to do that now, that goodbye was extremely special to me.

Why do I doubt God?? I get so wrapped up in myself and the limits of time that I totally forget that God is always in control. Yesterday was a perfect example of this. God provided even when I was hot, irritated, and most ungrateful. My prayer is that I can remember this and know that even when things are not going my way, that God will always provide and come through in His perfect timing!!

Things to be thankful for this week:

#81-100:

college aged counselors

Ocean Breeze water park

Atlantic ocean

dolphins

beach time

caring pediatricians

Kerri

Sweet nieces and nephew in Charlottesville

summer bible study

authenticity

Dean's sermons

faces of joy

successful eye surgery

Piercing pagoda

friends that share their pools
Aunt Susan

Taylor Mary

driving school

pink seedless watermelon

fresh basil

Where does the time go??

Time....what a loaded concept. We are very pre-occupied with time. We have to make sure that we arrive on time for work, for a flight, for a doctor's appt, for a party. Sometimes we try to beat time....especially if you are a runner or an athlete. How long did it take to run that 1/2 marathon? The shorter the amount of time, the better. Timed tests.....you must complete the test in a certain amount of time or take the risk of lowering your overall score because you did not complete all of the questions in the allotted time.

Time related to our lives though is time in its most precious form. As I have grown older, one of the most asked questions that I hear is, "Where does the time go?" One minute our children are entering Kindergarten and the next they are beginning the adventure of high school. I had the privilege of attending my brother's high school graduation this past weekend. I honestly don't know where the time of his first 18 years went. Granted, I was not living with him in the same household as he matured and grew up, but I did see him most holidays and at various other times during the years. One of my most vivid memories of him was when Dan and I took him home during my stepmother's surprise 40th birthday. He did not want to leave and was beside himself that he had to be seperated from his mother. Dan and I did everything that we could think of to console him, but sleep was the only solution. Now, he is leaving in a little over a week to go to New York for an internship and then off to the University of Arizona as a freshman in late August. He is a mature young man and looking forward to beginning his life and seperating from his parents.

We all wish that time would slow down in relation to our lives. But, I am convinced that if we cherish the moments then the years that pass by will be clear and full of heartfelt memories. I know that this is easier said than done, but I am devoted to taking each day and praising the God who created me for the people and moments that He places in my life. We may wish that the moments could last forever, but if they did then we would definitely miss other moments that continue to define who we are and our relationships with others.
I need to pray that I can take my own advice regarding time. I don't want to wish time away and I truly desire to treasure each and every moment with my family and dear friends. This is especially pertinant to me as my oldest begins high school in the fall and next year Dan and I celebrate 20 years of marriage. Where did the time go??? I know that it passed by, but I also know that the time holds dear and precious memories for me for the rest of my life.

I am thankful for:
#61-80

privilege to vote
caring medical staff
printable boarding passes

first row of seats in an airplane

low humidity in Pittsburgh

graduation ceremonies

reconnecting

antibiotics

flights without turbulance

wonderful husband

Shorebreak pizza deals

incorrect weather forecasts

cool shower after a run

kind words

summer vacation

puffy white clouds

blue sky

hugs

grilled vegetables

feather pillows

A Special Reunion

I had the absolute joy to meet with two of my former second grade students today and share lunch with them. They certainly are not 8 years old anymore. They are beautiful 21 year old women with the maturity and poise of responsible young adults. They both are in college, playing sports and enjoying what is truly one of the best times of their lives. What a special reunion it was!! We shared and laughed about the class that I had 13 years ago and talked about what everyone is doing. I was in awe of how the years have passed by so quickly. Flashbacks in my mind reminded me of them both as precious eight year olds with pigtails and missing teeth.I am so thankful for this opportunity and the privilege to re-connect with two very special women. Relationships are precious and God certainly blessed me with that fact today!!

Other blessings this past week include:
#41-60
Sunday sermons that tug on my heart
field day
cold water
tug of war/boys against girls
sweat
girls night out
The smell of Dalton while he is sleeping
naps
colleagues
unexpected letter of thanks
Ocean Breeze
caring doctor
our community group
my dentist
pride of a 4th grade author
Miss Sue
air conditioning
former students that are young adults
Sophie's nudging
family

A Monday of Thanks

Here is it...Memorial Day Monday and I am full of things to share that I am thankful for. I pray that this weekend was as relaxing and special for you as it was for me.

#21-40
painted toenails
intense bike ride
honesty
sunshine
texting
a hard-working husband
clean clothes
running skirt
garden tomatoes and fresh avocados
a blue sky with puffy white clouds
Memorial Day
selfless soldiers
Day off with the family
Dalton's smile after a new accomplishment
sweat from sunbathing
a baby's toes
First Landing State park's running trails
ice cold water
Sunday sermons
developing new friendships

So thankful for yet another week of blessings..................... :)

Everyday Blessings

My dear friend, Sue introduced me to the blog, A Holy Experience. Everytime that I click on it and consume what has been written, I tear up. The music that accompanies the gifted writing convicts me and I am completely in awe of what the author, Ann Voskamp has crafted. Each Monday is dedicated to a theme entitled Multitude Monday. This is an ongoing list of the multitudes of gifts that the Lord blesses us with each day.

I don't know about you, but life is difficult. Days go by and it seems as if busyness, responsibilities and just "stuff" always seems to get in the way. There are many days that pass where I don't know if I even realize the blessings that I am missing. My prayer is that God will open my eyes and my heart to recognize the special gifts that He bestows on me and that I can see, feel, hear, taste and touch every single one. Through the next couple of months, Mondays will be my day to reflect on the gift that life truly is and share it on this blog.

#1-20:

instant oatmeal
a hot shower
singing birds in the morning
flip flops
a hug from behind when all I can see is a student's sweet little hands
breakfast duty
A "good morning" smile
driving to school everyday with Dalton
lunch with colleagues
grocery shopping at Trader Joe's
fresh vegetables
reading about and relating to Peter
cheering with Landon for Dalton at his baseball game
watching the joy on Dan's face while he is coaching
seeing a friend I haven't seen in a while
feeling the cool breeze of a fan
alone time
seeing God work through this blog
bare feet
my sweet son sleeping next to me

The Innocence of our Children

Video games.....love them or hate them, they are a reality to any parent with children regardless of their ages. My sons enjoy playing them, especially Dalton. I definitely have policies regarding the games on the DS and on the WII. Neither of my boys are permitted to play during the school week and this has always been our family rule. They are used to it now, even though they haven't embraced the rule wholeheartedly.
I encountered a situation this past weekend that not only angered me, but truly made me sad. Dalton was invited to a birthday party where a large bus that was converted into a mobile video game fantasy land was going to be the main attraction. The concept is brilliant. A bus with 15 or more flat screen tv's and comfortable chairs for the children to sit and play video games for two hours. The games are networked so that the children can play against each other. What child in our world today would not love this???
As we approached the bus on Saturday, Dalton's excitement was undeniable. He was chomping at the bit to open the door and just glance at what was inside. We walked up the steps and knocked to gain our entry. The door was pushed open and we entered into another world. Every child was seated in front of their own screen intently playing a video game. Dark curtains covered the windows to make the scene resemble one in a movie theatre.
I glanced at the screen and saw lifelike figures being shot and killed. My motherly instinct immediately became activated and I inquired as to what game was being played. The answer was Halo. Halo? I thought to myself. Isn't that one of the most violent games that has been made and it is rated M for Mature or in other words basically like an R rated movie? Aren't all of these children 9 and 10??? After answering my own questions in my mind with a definitive YES, I turned to the owner and began to speak but before I could, he was telling me about how this version that is networked is not really that bad. My response was, " I hear what you are saying, but my child is only permitted to play E games." (which are rated acceptable for everyone) The next tactic used on me was that if my son couldn't play Halo then no one could play because they were all networked. My response; " I am sorry to be the bad guy, but he cannot play and M games for my son are unacceptable." A huge blessing after this comment was that another mother had her instincts on high alert and said the same went for her son too!! The game was stopped and an acceptable replacement was put in. After kissing my son goodbye, (who by the way was NOT happy with me....oh well!!) I left with confidence knowing that I did the right thing, but so upset that I even had to encounter a situation like this when my son is only 9.
Why is it that our world wants our children to grow up so fast? Why is it necessary for our children to be bombarded with images that are NOT appropriate for them? Why don't more people stand up against this type of situation instead of giving in to the pressure of the world??
My son is 9 years old. He does not need to hear cussing in movies or sexual innuendos, he does not need to see violence being truthfully portrayed on a video game or on television. He is too young for all of this. God made his mind innocent and that is why movies and video games are rated. Our world is so broken and sin surrounds us everywhere that we go. I do not want to cloud or dirty his mind with things that are not necessary. He hears enough from the news and from friends at school and on the bus. Our children grow up way too fast as it is. I want him to enjoy his pureness of mind and his innocence of childhood as long as he can. Don't misunderstand me, I do not want him to be clueless to the world or naive, BUT, there is a proper time and place for everything. M rated video games are not proper or appropriate for his precious and moldable heart and mind.
As a parent, I know that I am in the minority. That is okay. My job as a parent and as a representative of God to my children is to protect them and keep them from harm, whether it be physical, mental or emotional. I know that I did my piece this past weekend to protect my son. I love him with all of my being and his time as a child will pass by way too fast. He has many adult years to make his own choices about what he will watch and how he lives his life. My prayer is that molding him now with the morals from God will be planted deep in his heart and that he will not turn from them when he is older.
I know that I just need to hold fast to my beliefs whether they are "old fashioned" or not. The God of the universe did not say that this life would be easy, in fact he says that we will suffer and encounter many hardships. This situation for me is just the beginning. BUT, knowing that I have a God that will never fail in what he instructs me to do as a parent is enough comfort to see me through my childrens' most difficult years.

Philippians 4:8

Finally brothers whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

Many Mothers

Mother's Day was this past weekend. In previous years, this day has been difficult for me. I was not one to have a mother that was loving and encouraging. My mother was absent most of my life and dealing with issues that it took all of her energy to face.....alcoholism, pill addiction and personality issues. She is now incapacitated in a home where she needs 24 hour round the clock care and does not know or recognize any of her daughters. Her situation will never get better only worse. When I tell most people this, they apologize and really don't know what to say. I am truly at peace with the entire situation as God is in control and she is being well taken care of. Since I never really had a relationship with my mother, I am not mourning the loss of that. What I did mourn was that missing facet of my life and the relationship that I observe other daughters and mothers sharing. You may notice that I said DID mourn. I have worked through issues of being without a mother and am confident in who I am and that God allowed me to be the daughter that I was for a reason. Because of my experiences, I have been blessed to share my life story with many people who had similiar situations and God has worked the good through all of my authenticity with others. I am so thankful for that.
What I have gained is only precious women in my life who don't have the title of biological mother to me, but true friend and mentor. I have women who God placed in my life as a replacement for the relationship with my mother that I never possessed. I have women who have fervently prayed for me, my husband and my family. I have women who love me for who I am and who I am continuing to blossom into. I have women that prayed for my relationship with Christ before I even knew that I could have a relationship with Him. I have women who always have open arms and warm embraces for me. I have women who truly accept me for who I have been created to be. I have women that love me unconditionally and that I can always trust and be myself with.
What more can I possibly ask for?? God is good....all of the time. He knows what my needs are and He gently placed each of these special women in my life at just the perfect time. Looking back on this past weekend and the celebration of Mother's Day....I am only thankful. Thankful for my "mothers" and so thankful that God allowed me to be the mother that I am to my two precious sons.

Cherish each and every day!!

My heart breaks for the family of Whitney Hulce. If you are not familiar with this story, Whitney was a 25 year old first year teacher in Norfolk. She was out with friends this past Saturday evening and was hit and killed while crossing Shore Dr. I did not personally know Whitney, but the story of her death deeply touches my heart.
I remember back to my first year teaching. I really didn't have a worry in the world. I taught first grade and had a great time on the weekend with friends. I definitely took time for granted and thought that I was invincible. At the time I was living in Richmond and thoroughly enjoying the fact that I was on my own and paying my own bills. I loved my first teaching assignment and doing what I believed God had gifted me to do. I am sure that this is where Whitney was as well. From everything that I have read, she loved her job and was touching and changing lives in her classroom.
Why is it that God takes some of us so young and others live very long lives? I can't answer that question. It is a mystery and one that I will ask of God once I reach heaven. I know that God has work for all of us to do here on earth. I also know that our life here, whether we live a few decades or until we are a century old, is only a blip on the radar screen compared to our lives in heaven for eternity.
This entire story regarding Whitney makes me very aware of the fact that any day can be our last here on earth. We wake up each morning and expect that we will be crawling into our beds at the end of our day. That is not always the case and that is why we truly need to capture the blessings of each day that is given to us. Every day is a gift and could be our last.....we really don't know. Unlike technology now that can reveal 3D pictures of an unborn baby and due dates of pregnancies that allow us to prepare for the birth of a newborn, we do NOT have that luxury with death. Death is inevitable, but not one of us knows or is able to figure out the exact day or hour.
I know that I need to live as if each day was my last. It is difficult, because life as we all know it gets in the way. Deadlines, places to be, projects to complete, laundry to do, houses to clean, carpools to run, etc, etc, etc. What if today was my last day here on earth and I knew it?? I honestly don't know what I would do, but I know that I would want everyone that loves me to surround me and spend time with me. I know that I would want to make sure that my loved ones knew Jesus and that I would meet them again in heaven.
I truly am so thankful for all that God has blessed me with.....a loving family, wonderful active children, faithful friends, and health that sustains me. I need to appreciate all that God surrounds me with each day....my boys laughter, my husbands gentle touch,kind words from dear friends, my dogs nudging, the azaleas blooming in my yard, the sun shining, a students hug, soothing words of scripture, my comfortable bed at night, birds chirping in the trees, the ability to exercise, and each day that I am able to watch the sun rise and set. I will cherish each and everyday and when the day arrives that Jesus calls me home, I pray that I have lived my life here on earth to the fullest.

Dead plants to blooming flowers

Spring has definitely sprung!! The sun is warm, the azaleas are peeping out of their buds and the birds are rejoicing in the trees. We have had a long winter and everyone is excited to share in the freedom that Spring brings.
I am not a plant person and actually am as far from having a green thumb as can be. I do enjoy though purchasing annuals and ferns to make my yard look colorful and pretty. Today I ventured out to find some hanging plants and possibly a fern. It seemed like the perfect day for this type of outing.
I ended up at Wal Mart and walked for a while through their outdoor plant section. The fresh smell of soil and blooming plants wafted through the air as I browsed and thought about which plants will last the longest for me this year. I chose a large beautiful green fern with healthy leaves and a smaller pink geranium. I wasn't able to find anything for my porch, but was satisfied with my choices to begin the process of beautifying my yard. Both plants were healthy and the geranium was blooming...these were good signs for me that the plants were living....hopefully I can keep them this way for the next couple of months!!
I found the check out line and sighed a bit as it was longer than I wanted to wait. I walked into my spot and began the waiting process, trying to understand why the lady that was three spots ahead of me did not have any plants but all food and paper products. She really needed to check out in the other part of the store!! :)
Well as I was thinking these self-centered thoughts, I noticed the woman in front of me with an entire flat of dead plants. What in the world is she buying those for? I thought to myself. What a waste of time and money!! What is she going to do with them??
At that exact moment, God touched my heart and spoke softly to me. He whispered," I can make all things alive again and this is exactly what this woman is doing. Don't be so judgemental. This is her gift and I love to watch the gifts that I give people in action"
WOW!! I thought to myself. This sweet woman was going to take these dead plants and water them, feed them and give them the tender loving care that they need to be revived. She is going to care for them and not discard them just because of how they look. It takes a special person to nurse these plants back to life and she is going to be the one to do it!!
I then was able to understand the lesson that God was showing me. He was saying loud and clear......I don't make any mistakes. Each and every person that I create is special and I love them. I take people who are dead in their sins and exhausted with life's ups and downs and mold their hearts into blooming flowers. I don't pass anyone by....including you, Tracy. I love you and will continue to work in your life even when you are down, depressed and angry. I will always be here for you to nurse you back to health and love you unconditionally. I will never leave you or forsake you.
I now understood God's lesson for me today. How amazing is it that He can speak and teach anywhere that He desires. Even in the long line at the local Wal Mart. Thank you Lord for putting that woman in front of me and thank you that she has the gift of loving plants that are almost dead and bringing them back to life. Thank you for loving me and assuring me that life with you is forever.

Spring Break

It has been a great week!! This has been our Spring Break from Virginia Beach City Public Schools. A few weeks ago I was feeling sorry for myself that we were not going to travel anywhere. After this past week, I am thrilled that we stayed put!! Beginning last Friday, the weather has been perfect. By that I mean, no humidity, no rain and just warm spring air and sunshine. The boys and I have had a wonderful time together. We rode bikes, slept in, went for runs, traveled to Busch Gardens, and went to the beach twice!! I actually acquired a sun burn on my back!! This weekend I am looking forward to Landon's lacrosse games and relaxing until it is back to reality on Monday.
I am thankful for this past week as well. Dan had an accident at work on Tuesday where he shot a nail completely through his left hand. If you know Dan at all, he is NOT one to complain or go to the doctors or the hospital. I knew when the phone rang on Tuesday afternoon and he said that he was at the hospital that it had to be somewhat serious. The nail entered his hand through the palm and came out the other side. It was quite a sight which I was not able to look at for any length of time!! Hand surgery was being contemplated at one point, but then the emergency room doctor was able to remove it after going to his car and getting a tool on the end of his key chain. :) WOW!! So much for modern hospital technology!! Praise God that this nail did not hit an artery or go through the bone. It really is a miracle and Dan went back to work yesterday on a very high dose of antibiotics to combat any infection.
I am thankful that my diet survived the break and Easter too!! I am beginning my third week of Eat to Live by Joel Fuhrman. It is a wonderful change and I am feeling the difference in my health. I have eaten no meat, dairy, oils or pasta for the past three weeks. I also have had no soda in three weeks, which for me is a feat in itself!! I also have lost just about 10 pounds and am feeling strong and fit knowing that what I am putting into my body is healthy and good for me!! I have found many blogs with recipes for vegans that I have tried and it really is a lot of fun. I am looking forward to talking to my friends Karen, Jen and Samantha at work about their successes over the break as well.
Just nine more weeks until summer.....it is a bittersweet feeling as I love my job and the children that I work with each day. It will be so comforting though to have that feeling of summer and not feeling pressured to be somewhere everyday at a specific time. I also am looking forward to spending the time with my family and friends as time ticks away way too quickly.

A Good Friday

It has been about a week since I have been able to blog. I have had many thoughts running through my mind, but today I felt the conviction to write.

It has been and is a good Friday today. Fridays are usually good as it is the end of the work week and a time to relax with family and friends. This Friday is especially good because it is the beginning of Spring Break for the Virginia Beach Schools and the weather forecast looks incredible. It is a good Friday because I was able to share lunch with a dear friend of mine. It is a good Friday because I have almost made it two weeks without any dairy or meat on my diet (I will blog about this soon!!) It is a good Friday because I can look forward to quality time with my children and husband this weekend and next week.

BUT, the reason why this Friday is the best Friday of all is because of what Jesus did for each one of us on this day. God sent his only son, Jesus to come to earth, live as a man, and die for our sins so that we can be saved and have eternal life. The torturous beatings, the mockery and the unthinkable death by crucifixion were for each one of us. Jesus gave his life so that you and I can have ETERNAL life. It is a difficult thing to process and understand, but I know that it is true and that each one of us can receive this gift.

This particular Friday is good because Jesus dying is not the end. Three days later he rose from the dead. His resurrection is what Christians all around the world will be celebrating this Sunday. It is the seal of truth that guarantees our life in heaven.

All you need to do is RECEIVE this gift....just as if someone were giving you a gift for your birthday or Christmas. Would you reject it?? Probably not, but many of us reject the gift of eternal life from Jesus. Why is that??? Is it ignorance, embarrassment, unbelief, busyness???? I know that before I received this gift, I thought people who loved Jesus were a bit off of their rocker....Jesus freaks if you know what I mean!! Once I understood that all I needed to do was ask Jesus into my heart and for Him to be the ruler of my life, confess that I am a sinner and there is nothing that I can do about my sin, ask for forgiveness, and accept the gift from Jesus of eternal life, my entire world was changed. He has done more in my life than I ever thought possible and I am pretty sure that I am not off of my rocker!! :) Plus, now I have the absolute assurance that once my life on this earth is over that I will live eternally with Him. I also know that eternity is much longer than the life that I will have here and heaven will be a complete place of bliss with no tears and no pain.

I will rejoice in the gift of God's son this weekend and remember the torture that Jesus endured for me. Happy Easter!!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Slow and Steady completed the race!!!!!!!!!

I was jolted from a deep slumber at 4:45 a.m by my alarm clock. I had a difficult time getting to sleep the night before with all of the excitement of the race stimulating my thoughts. I guess this is why the "experts" recommend that you get a good night's sleep two nights before race day!!
The first thing that I heard at that early morning hour was birds chirping and welcoming the start of another beautiful day. I peeked out of the window and it still resembled night, but I knew in my heart it was going to be a perfect morning for a run.
I showered to wake myself up and carefully dressed in the running clothes that I had meticulously set out the night before. I lathered myself up with Body Glide (to keep from chafing) and deodorant and pulled on my black running skirt and my green St. Patrick's shirt to display my Shamrockin' spirit!! My number 9737 was perfectly pinned in the center of my shirt and I wrapped my running pack around my waist. I couldn't forget to carry the necessities.....Strawberry GU, chapstick, Sport Beans, license, and my camera to capture our memories of the day. I think that I was ready to go!!
As we reached the Oceanfront that morning, my heart leaped with happiness at having the opportunity to run another 1/2 marathon. I have not participated in one in over a year and a half. As I blogged previously, the training has been cold and difficult. God was rewarding our hard work by painting the horizon with a beautiful sunrise and temperatures in the 50's that seemed balmy.
The excitement was contagious at the start line. There was a sea of green everywhere that you looked to honor the St. Patrick's day holiday and the Shamrock weekend. We started in Corral 4 which meant we had a few minutes after the race officially started before we crossed the start line. We snapped pictures, talked with other running friends and waited patiently for the gun to fire signaling the beginning of the 13.1 mile journey.
At approximately 7:10 we ran over the start and our chip time officially began. My dear friend Sue and I started out slow and steady in order for our muscles to get used to the exercise that we were going to put them through for the next two and a half hours.
Crowds of people lined the streets, even at this early morning hour. Our names had been carefully typed on our racing numbers, so people that we did not even know shouted our names and encouraged us on our trek. Cow bells ringing, people cheering and holding up signs of motivation allowed for us to focus on our goal and have a great time doing it!!
The first few miles came and went and we felt strong. We stopped at each water stop to hydrate ourselves with cold water and Gatorade. We sang along with the DJ's that were strategically placed along Shore Dr. (which is a very long part of the race), we read the riddles and answers that were posted in the pine straw and tried to guess the punchlines. Sue and I talked with each other about our lives, our thoughts and our dreams. As we conversed, mile after mile was behind us and we were quickly reaching the finish line.
We made sure that we sucked down our portable food for runners.....GU, and I ate some Sport beans which are really a glorified name for Jellybeans!! Our energy was contagious and we were still at it and looking towards our goal.
Reaching mile 10, we re hydrated with some more water and affirmed the fact that we only had 3 more miles to go. We can do it!! As we ran back down the Oceanfront, dear friends continued to cheer for us, knowing that our goal was only a few miles away and so happy to share in the joy of completing the race. Sue and I were both beginning to hurt. My toe was numb and Sue's side was aching. We needed to push on through....we were almost there!! :)
After mile 12, we ran onto the beautiful boardwalk of Virginia Beach with the majestic ocean on our left. In the distance, we could see a glimpse of the large finish line beckoning our feet and hear the announcer blaring the names of the successful racers.
"Come on, Sue....we are almost there," I encouraged.
Each step brought us closer and closer. Our hearts were pounding and we were panting with anticipation and fatigue after running for almost 13 miles. We grabbed each others hands and as the finish line became a reality, we pushed them in the air in celebration of months and months of work and crossed to completion. Huge smiles adorned our faces and the adrenaline pumped through our veins. What an awesome accomplishment and a perfect running day!!
The months of training and perseverance allowed for both of us to experience God's creation and His strength through a race that has carved memories in our minds forever. I am so thankful for this opportunity and know that I am blessed to be a Shamrock 1/2 marathon finisher!!!

Not the weekend I expected............

The weather was perfect this weekend. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Dalton and I had thoroughly enjoyed the crowds and the excitement of the Final mile and were heading back to the car. He had baseball practice and I was going to go to the Middle School wrestling championships at Salem Middle School.

I jumped in the car with excitement knowing that Landon had already wrestled one match and I was looking forward to arriving in time for the second one. I glanced down at my phone which I had left in the car during the race. I had 2 text messages. One was from HR Lax reminding me of a game which Landon wasn't able to attend. The other one was from Dan and only few words.......He lost to the Salem kid.

WHAT?????? Dan had to have typed in the text incorrectly.....(he isn't the best texter in the world)............I had to look down again and that is when my heart broke and the tears fell.

You see, Landon finished his Middle School wrestling season 8 and 0....undefeated. He only allowed 3 points against him the entire season. He was ranked the #1 seed in the North part of the city in his weight class. This was not supposed to happen. He was supposed to wrestle the opposition and make it to the finals with no issues....no problems. How could this happen? Why did this happen???

Well, let's say that my pride(not Landon's) got in the way. I believed that Landon was good and that he would go to the finals without a problem. I bragged a bit about him to people that asked. I don't usually do that, but I was SO confident that he was going to be successful that I allowed myself that option. Pride is dangerous. The definition of pride is a high opinion of ones own merit or importance. I believed that the importance of my son winning and my high opinion of his success so far, outweighed anything else. I couldn't even entertain the thought of him not getting to the championship round. So, when this did not happen, I was crushed. If I hadn't allowed these thoughts to get in the way.........maybe this would not have been so very painful.

Romans 12:3 says a lot.........For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment , in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

My downfall was taking pride in my son's accomplishments and not even considering how God was going to fit in the picture. I had prayed for Landon to be successful, of course God was going to allow that. Little did I know that God's success for Landon this weekend and my success for Landon were two totally different things.
After I dropped off Dalton and headed to see Landon....God really spoke to my heart. He very clearly said, "I bring good out of EVERYTHING and my ways are not always understandable to you, but trust me" I kept trying to push these thoughts away..."It wasn't fair, I thought. This is his last year in middle school....why, why???" As these truths really sunk in, I began to look at things through God's eyes and not my own. How was this situation good? What lesson am I learning? What lesson is Landon learning? How is he demonstrating God's goodness?
In the big scheme of life, I want my children to love God first and foremost. I then want them to be honest, loving, compassionate, hard working, humble, patient, good, gentle, kind, etc........I want the fruits of the spirit to make themselves loud and clear in their lives. This was God's definition of success for Landon this weekend. Landon accepted the loss with the integrity of a mature adult. He was composed and humble. He demonstrated the maturity of a fine young man. He cheered for his direct competitors and wished them the best. You see, if Landon would have won his first match, there may have not been the opportunity for me or for others to witness his maturity. There would not have been the many comments and e-mails and texts commending Landon's character and integrity. There would not have been the chance to let others know that God knows what He is doing.

My heart still aches, but I am no longer asking, "Why?" I know why and I know beyond measure that even though this will sting for a while, that the good that God brought out of this weekend far outweighs the aspect of Landon winning that match. There will be many other opportunites for Landon to shine, but this weekend our family needed to be humbled and be reminded about what is really important in our lives..............

On this Monday, looking back on the weekend, I am completely amazed by my son's maturity and composure in the face of "losing" a match where everyone expected him to be victorious. I know now that Landon is a true winner in how he carries himself and what he deems important in his life. Thank you God for this lesson, even though it hurts. You are good all of the time!!

The Gift of Athleticism

As I sit today and enjoy the beautiful sunshine and spring temperatures, I am so thankful for the gift of athleticism. In reflection regarding the busy weekend that is so quickly approaching, I have realized that God has given our family such a wonderful gift. We all are involved this weekend in something athletic. This means that God has allowed each of us to be physically active and strong.

Dalton is participating in the Final Mile on Saturday. This means that he has logged 25 miles (or 30 in his case) through running in PE class at school. The final mile is a culmination of months of work to finish up a marathon distance. This type of exercise requires stamina and determination. I am so proud of Dalton's efforts and am excited to see him cross the finish line on Saturday knowing that he was able to reach a goal that he has been working towards since September.

Landon is participating in the Middle School Wrestling Championships in Virginia Beach on Saturday. Most likely, he will be the number 1 seed in his weight class for the northern part of the city. He is 8 and 0 for this wrestling season. This has not come easily, but is also the result of months of workouts, practices, running, lifting and discipline. Whatever the outcome of this event for Landon, we are so proud of him and everything that he has accomplished during his 8th grade year of wrestling. Dan will be coaching Landon and his wrestling teammates with knowledge and expertise that will serve all of the wrestlers so well. This coaching is a love of my husbands and stems from the fact that he has been blessed with athleticism in his life as well.

I am running the Shamrock 1/2 marathon on Sunday. This race is the celebration of months of training in the cold, along with strong runs and runs that didn't always feel so great. My body has been through a lot, but I am looking forward to a beautiful day and also completing a goal that has been part of my life for weeks.

All of this to say, being physically active and strong is not something that everyone can say that they posess. I am forever thankful and grateful for this gift that God has given to each person in our family. It is a gift that binds us together and sets us apart. It binds us as a family to cheer for each other in our individual events and share in the excitement of winning and the bittersweetness of defeat. It sets us apart because our Creator differentiated enough to give each of us a specific athletic ability to excel in.

Win or lose this weekend, setting records or not.....to God be the glory for the strength, agility and athleticism to complete the goal that He has set in front of each of us.

Hebrews 10:35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.

Changing the Way I Eat

I read the most incredible book this past weekend..... Eat to Live by Joel Fuhrman. A friend at work has been following the plan and recommended it highly. I was aware that the American diet is lacking in nutrients, but I didn't realize to what extent. I get very caught up in ease of preparation and time constraints with cooking. I never seriously gave a lot of thought to the FACT that what passes through our lips is either prolonging my life or cutting it extremely short!

A few things that I learned that surprised me and have been making me contemplate my eating habits:

1. Refined or extracted oils, including Olive oil are high in calories and low in nutrients. Fats, such as olive oil can be stored on your body WITHIN MINUTES!!! (Yuck!!) If my waist was biopsied and examined under an electron microscope, it can be determined where the fat came from......pig fat, dairy fat, olive oil........etc...... WOW!!! My waist is one big ring of mixed fats....ugh!!!

2. Olive Oil packs more calories per pound than butter!!! This was amazing to me as I use Olive Oil in just about everything.....thinking that this is my "healthy option!"

3. Raw vegetables and fresh fruits are the two most powerful anti-cancer categories of food. Believe it or not, I do not eat either of these things more than 2 or 3 times a week.

4. Our health is predicted by our nutrient intake divided by intake of calories. A key to permanent weight loss is a high proportion of nutrients to calories. How nutritionally sound are the Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones that I consume daily??? I think that the answer is: NOT VERY!!

5. Fiber is vital to our heath. When we consume fruits, vegetables and beans our bodies are provided with large amounts of fiber. This fiber needs to be in our diets not as supplements or power bars or Metamucil, but as fresh fruits, beans, whole grains and raw nuts and seeds.

6. Steak has only 5.4 grams of protein per 100 calories and broccoli has 11.2 grams. This is almost twice as much!! I could hardly believe this....I had to re-read this over and over!!!
7. Most calories in meat come from fat and green vegetables are mostly protein. I never knew that vegetables had protein. I really thought that this had to come from meat products or beans.

8. 100 calories of broccoli is about 10 oz of food and 100 calories of ground sirloin is less than 1 oz of food!!!!

9. Since the foods that Americans eat are so calorie-rich, we have all been trying to diet by eating ridiculously small portions of low nutrient foods. We tend to suffer from hunger but also have intense cravings because we are also nutrient deficient. I remember eating Jenny Craig foods and thinking the entire portion was about 3-4 bites for me. How could I ever sustain eating such minute portions?

10. Third world countries have a cancer and heart attack rate of close to zero. These two diseases are rampant in our country and this is because of how we choose to eat.

So, what does this all mean to me?? I am seriously going to start next week (after my 1/2 marathon) trying to follow Dr. Joel Fuhrman's Eat to Live diet. I am hoping to drop some weight and become healthier in the process. It will be difficult for me as I love my soda and my meat, but my body is truly a temple and I need to treat it as such. I also need to pray for a serious mindset change. This needs to be a lifelong change and not a diet just a few weeks out of the year. The habits that I am engaging in now, are not doing my body any good. Plus the fact is that I am not getting any younger and my desire is to be here a while so that I can cherish the time with my husband, my sons and my family and friends.

I am excited about this and know that with support and God's guidance, it will be a success. Meanwhile, this week I may just pig out on some pizza and chocolate!! :)

1Corinthians 6:19-20: Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Slow and Steady Wins the Race.......

Well, I just returned from a 3 mile run. This is a taper week for me. Next week my friend Sue and I are scheduled to run the Shamrock 1/2 marathon.

This is not my first 1/2 marathon, but it is the first Shamrock 1/2 that I have run. I ran the Shamrock marathon in 2004 and I swore I would never run another one. I also didn't care for training in the winter and having icicles form on the sweat dripping from my hair. BUT, here I am less than 2 weeks from running and I really don't feel ready at all. The one positive aspect is the fact that I will be facing 13.1 miles instead of 26.2!

This winter has been brutal with weather and completing our runs. We have accomplished two 10 milers for our long runs, but there have been weeks where the running is scarce. Our normal running route through the state park has been flooded since October from the destructive Nor'Easter. We have had to make do with driving our cars through the routes to figure out mileage or Sue does this on the computer and calculates it through a web site. It has not been all smooth sailing!!
Some days our runs feel super and I am on top of the world from the adrenaline flowing through my veins....other days, I am sore and I ache and I truly feel like an old woman. I ask myself...Why am I putting myself through this???? I especially ask myself this when my weight doesn't change at all from this type of exercise!!

When I look at this all though from the perspective of enjoyment and with a thankful attitude, it is all a very good thing!! I have enjoyed my time with Sue and we have reconnected on so many things during our running times. We both get to enjoy the beautiful weather that is peeking through and making itself known to us. We can be thankful to God for bodies that are strong and healthy enough to run. Are we going to be record breakers in this race???? Absolutely NOT, but we can run, take water breaks, take GU breaks and enjoy each others company along with thousands of other runners. Slow and steady will complete the Shamrock. Stay tuned for more updates......

Taking things for granted.....

I take so many things for granted. I KNOW that God does not want us to do that, but it is so easy in a world that is caught up in self absorption and want. My dear friend, April writes a blog and has encouraged her readers to write on Thursdays about what they are thankful for. As I was driving home today from work, I was thinking about this, but the idea that came to my mind was how many things in my life I take for granted. It is almost like I am entitled to them and boy is that wrong thinking!! I know that I get so frustrated when my children expect things and think that they are entitled to have whatever they want. How can they be so demanding and unthankful? Well, I am the same way and need to really stop and praise Him for all that He has given to me and all that He provides day after day after day.....regardless of my attitude!!

I am thankful for (but many times take for granted):
1. My dear husband who puts up with my pre-menopausal fits a LOT!!
2. My precious children who can drive me crazy, but I could not live without!!
3. My friends who love me for who I am.
4. My father and his wife, Lori and my brother, Vinnie whose hearts are so good.
5. My mother and father in law and my sister in law.....they love unconditionally.
6. My sweet puppy, Sophie who lights up all of our smiles.
7. Living at the beach and having the opportunity to listen to the waves and praise God's glorious creation whenever I want.
8. My cozy home....which is perfect for us and full of memories to fill all of our hearts with overflowing love.
9. Health.....I truly take this for granted everyday...I am so thankful that my family is healthy and happy.
10. My job.....I love my job and am so thankful in this time of difficulty financially in our country that I have a job that I can go to everyday and come home smiling!!
11. My faith and the knowledge that I truly will live forever. That this Earthly home is only temporary and I have so much to look forward to.
My prayer is that I can truly give thanks everyday to God for the things that I take for granted. That I can be thankful in all of my words and actions. That my heart is convicted when I am acting selfish and He can set me straight to realize that every gift I have is from Him and they are all perfect!!

James 1:17: Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows. (NIV)

A mature (sometimes) Teenager!!

Mature and teenager.

These words tend to be an oxymoron!! They are not usually used in the same sentence, but I have to share the maturity of my 13 1/2 year old son, Landon.

For the past several months, Landon's 8th grade class has been planning a trip to NYC. This was to be the culmination of three years of hard work and studying in the MYP program before graduating to high school next year. Two broadway shows, Ellis Island, Museum of Art and just the excitement of a big city were all of the things that Landon has been anticipating for months. He also earned half of the money himself to travel there by babysitting, dog sitting and saving his allowance diligently. Many memories were to be made with friends and adults that are very special to him.

Last Wednesday evening, he was all packed and ready to go. Suitcase, pillow, blanket for the bus, plenty of snacks, fully charged Ipod, digital camera, warm clothes, borrowed boots, gloves, a warm beanie and one very happy teenager......

He left for school on Thursday with a jump in his step knowing that in 24 hours his dreams of NYC were going to become reality.

Thursday afternoon though....Mother Nature had her own plans. Snow storms and a major winter storm warning became reality as the Northeastern part of the US was blanketed with snow and ice. By 5:00, the trip had been cancelled. My heart was broken when I heard the news. I know that when I am looking so forward to something and it doesn't come to fruition, I tend to pout and wonder why, why, why??? Landon texted Dan and me and let us know about the disappointment.

About an hour later, we met Landon at Lynnhaven Middle for his wrestling match that afternoon. I didn't really get to talk with him before he wrestled, but could definitely see that his mind was focused on his match and he didn't look as disappointed as I would have thought. Afterwards, we asked him if he would like to go to dinner as some sort of consolation for the cancellation of his trip. He agreed and we had a great family time together.

The discussion with Landon showed that he was disappointed in the outcome of events, but that overall it was okay. His optimism was to be commended. He was positive about the possibility of re-scheduling and he understood the danger that traveling in the winter weather posed.

When we arrived home from dinner that evening, Landon called down to me from his room....."Hey mom, now since our trip is cancelled, I can go to the Middle School program at church this weekend!" "You sure can, I answered.

I was blown away by this comment. I had been bummed that Landon was going to miss this program at church entitled W3 that was discussing relationships between girls and boys. Several of his friends were attending, but Landon wasn't scheduled to go because he was going to be in NYC. Now, he could attend and he wanted to and was excited about it!!

This (in my eyes) is maturity that I don't know if I could have displayed if I would have been in Landon's situation. He accepted the situation for what it was and moved forward never looking back.

God knew that all of this was going to happen. I believe that God knew that if they traveled to NY that it was a safety issue and that His mighty hand was protecting all of the precious children and adults that would have been traveling. I also believe that His plan was for Landon to be at church this weekend, learning more about Him and how to incorporate His plans into his life. Landon accepted all of this with an open and willing heart.

I am so proud of my son!!

SO, even though the words maturity and teenager tend to not be used in the same sentence very often, this is a time when I can clearly say that I am seeing fruit from my son that makes my heart swell!!

A Weekend of Renewal

I just returned from a Women's retreat with Grace Bible church. What a refreshing and wonderful experience. I am so thankful for my husband who is so willing to take over for a time and allow me a special time of reconnecting spiritually with the Lord.

I have attended many of these retreats. I ALWAYS learn something and come home full of light, hope and renewal. I yearn to trust more, and completely yield to what He wants me to do with my life. Somehow, I always seem to get in the way. I want control and I want to be in the driver's seat of me.

After doing some reflecting, one area is softening my heart right now....adoption.

Two years ago, Dan and I opened our home to 3 Ugandan orphans that were touring the United States with a group called the SIFA choir. They were singing their praises to the Lord and traveling through the United States sharing their joy. All of the children lived in an orphanage in Kampala, Uganda and were AIDS orphans. Daniel, Geoffrey, and Abraham lived with us for three days and changed all of our lives forever. Their presence in our home taught us about love, compassion, kindness, peace, and most of all faithfulness in a loving God. These three boys had experienced more horror than we could have ever imagined, but their faith in Christ was stronger than I had ever experienced. I recall the first night that they stayed with us. We gathered in my son's room and sat in a circle and prayed. Their prayers were ones of praise and not want. They praised their God who loved and provided for them. These children had nothing materially, but everything spiritually.

After Daniel, Geoffrey and Abraham performed on the third evening, it was time to say goodbye to them. They were moving on to their next city for more performances. I sobbed. Part of my heart was definitely changed and softened for these children who were able to love and have faith with no bounds. Later that evening, Landon and Dalton were deeply moved. They asked why they had to leave, when could they see the boys again?? My answers were not satisfying to them. I knew that God had stirred in all of us a part of our hearts that we were not aware of before this time. You see, I believe that our hearts are hardened by the world around us. Once we allow Christ in, He works to soften our hearts. Part of our hearts were changed by these boys and their experiences and would never be the same.

This May, it will be two years since these boys changed our lives. I have not forgotten about them and in fact, I truly believe that this experience is just the beginning of a story that I have no idea about how it is going to play out. Adoption has been on my heart since this time. This weekend at the retreat, I heard about adoption experiences from two women. Both are different stories with different circumstances. Each story touched me deeply and I am grateful for the people that shared with me. The common thread is faith and love and a soft heart open to His plan.

Walk. Trust. Obey. These are the things that I must do to listen and be in God's will. I am a type A person....I want things in order and controlled. I know that in these circumstances that God is saying, "Listen to me, I will order your life and show you how to live." I certainly can fire up my computer anytime and start researching about adoption and jump start this process because of how I feel right now. BUT, I want to listen and be in God's will. I don't know how He is going to end this story.....Will it be through a mission trip? Will it be through adoption? I don't know, but I DO know that I need to be patient and wait for His perfect timing. If adoption is His plan for our family, He will provide all that is needed.

Selfish Me

I have been convicted all day to sit down and reflect on my attitude. For the past few weeks, I have been bombarded with sermons on serving. The one that is forefront in my mind is the story of Jesus in John 13 about washing his disciples feet. If you are not familiar with this story, it is a powerful one that we all can learn from. Before the Passover, Jesus wanted to show the disciples the full extent of his love for them. He poured water into a basin and proceeded to wash each of his disciples feet. This was so significant because this was a job that was only for servants, it was a job no one wanted to do and reserved for the people that others considered "lower" than themselves. Jesus, as the ultimate example, washed his disciples feet willingly, without complaint and with a joyful and loving heart. This is our example on how God calls us to serve others.

Today I walked into school right as the bell was ringing. A few people said that I had been paged to the office. I put down my bag and quickly made my way through the halls to where I was needed. The secretary at the front desk said that I was needed to cover in a 5th grade class for the morning. "Absolutely" I answered, but my mind surely wasn't thinking that. This is an inconvenience, I thought....I need to be with the teachers that I am assigned to and work with the students that are expecting me. This attitude was affecting my mindset for the day. Why was this happening?? As the students were walking in the door, I started mumbling to the teacher across the hall when she asked why I was in that particular classroom. Her response stopped me in my tracks and put a halt to my selfish thoughts. "They must have really needed you in here this morning," she said. "Yes, I answered, they really must have. God was speaking to me loud and clear!!

Here I am, the past few weeks, listening to sermons about serving, attending a weekly bible study, and when I am put in a position to do just that, I mumble, complain and wish that I was doing what I want to do!! How selfish of me!! Why is it so easy to fall into that trap and want to fulfill only our own desires?? Well, it is not all about me as much as I wish it was and Jesus calls to us each day to serve and do it with joy and love. I love the verse in Phillipians 2:3-4 that says: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Today I was only looking to my own interests and not even considering the interests of others around me. I am so glad that I have a Lord that will forgive me and give me another chance. :)

My prayer is that each and every time I am presented with the opportunity to serve whether it be at work, at home, for my children, or for a stranger, that I look upon that as a blessing sent from God. As more opportunities are presented and I step out of the way, I know that I will experience the joy of serving Him and in the process strengthen my faith and my relationship with Christ.

So, my heart is now not so heavy as when I began this post. I am thankful for the lesson that God taught me today. I am thankful that He has opened my mind to listening to Him. I am strengthened knowing that He will provide many, many more opportunities for me to experience Him through my service.

Such precious words

Tonight is Monday. Monday's are very busy. Landon and Dan are at wrestling until 6ish and Dalton and I have a date night every week. We have BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). We eat dinner early and then leave and don't return home until around 9:30. Usually dinner is rushed and on the run.

Dalton had PB and J and Mac and cheese tonight....what a great kid's meal!! :) As he was eating, I was on my computer checking my e-mail. Dalton said, "Mom, thank you for my PB and J...it is really good! You're welcome", I replied without turning from the computer. "Mom, Dalton continued...."Thank you for giving me life!" I couldn't believe my ears. What beautiful words and what precious insight my sweet Dalton has. I gave him a big hug and said, "You are welcome!" He had no idea how his words blessed my heart!!

Each evening when I go to bed at night, I always try to replay the day in my head. I really try to focus on how God worked in and through me during the day and what happened that I am truly thankful for. I will not need to do that tonight as I am so touched and thankful for the words that Dalton spoke to me tonight. I love him so very much!!

Thank you sweet Goopy Lane!!

Valentine's Day 2010

Today is Valentine's day. I don't really know how I exactly feel about this day, but I do believe that it is important to show and tell the people you love EVERY day that you love them. You don't ever know when your last day will be, so telling those dearest to you that you love them is so important!!

My husband, Dan is not romantic. He never has been and I don't think he ever will be. This was difficult for me for a very long time. I really wanted to be swept off of my feet with kisses and roses and have surprises waiting for me around every corner. Well....it never happened. Over the almost 19 years that we have been married, I have had to get over my big bad self and realize that it is NOT all about me!! As much as I wish it was, it is NOT!! :) I will tell you though that my husband expresses his love for me and for his family in a completely different way than I wanted him to, but it is better than anything that I could have wished for.

Dan is a dedicated and hard working man. Whether it is for his business, for me or for his children, he does everything to the very best of his ability. He NEVER slacks off or leaves any task unfinished. He is trustworthy and does what he says he is going to do. He coaches his sons in baseball and wrestling, he serves on our neighborhood civic league, he is active at church and has led many bible studies, he constantly helps around the house to keep things tidy and neat, he gives of himself to neighbors and friends.

Today being Valentine's day, we returned home from church and he got dressed in his "work" clothes. He came downstairs and announced that he was going to clean the bathrooms. Now you are probably thinking....."ah, that is so nice for him to do on Valentine's day for you"and it really is, BUT Dan does this all the time for me, not just on Valentine's Day. I am not prissy about much at all, but I absolutely HATE to clean bathrooms...it really grosses me out. Dan knows that and he cleans all three of our bathrooms from top to bottom at least once or twice a month. It usually takes him a few hours and if you have been to our home, our bathrooms are not big...they are tiny. He takes the shower doors off of the hinges and scrubs them, he scrubs the grout, the toilet and the sink. If it is in the bathroom, he completely cleans it until it is void of germs.

Dan is humble and does it without complaining or murmuring things under his breath to me!! :) Because I can be very thick sometimes, I have finally realized that this is the way that he shows his love for me. Dan will do many things around the house that others may think are the woman's job and he always does it with a glad heart. Vacuuming, dusting, folding clothes, emptying the dishwasher, making the bed, etc, etc, etc it is always completed thoroughly and wonderfully!!

I am so thankful for this gift that Dan gives to me each and every day. It is not roses or candy, but something even better. Dan gives selflessly of himself to do something for me that I don't like to do. What better sacrifice can a husband give to his wife???

My prayer is that God will continue to allow me to realize what a gift my husband is to me, to not be self-serving and self-centered, and not to wish for roses and candy when I have so much more!! I am truly blessed everyday with Dan and not just Valentine's Day!!

Motherhood

Motherhood is truly a gift. From the time I became pregnant in 1995, I knew that the miracle of life growing inside of me would have a huge impact on my life, but I had no idea what that meant at the time.

Fast forward almost 14 years and two children later and I don't feel that I am much better at my job then I was then. This calling is always changing...(darn those children...they grow up!! ) :) Each stage of their life requires me to learn more and adjust to the stage that they are in at the moment. Motherhood is so difficult, but so rewarding.

I remember the night of June 15th, 1996 very clearly...almost as if it was yesterday. Dan and I were up late that evening with pregnancy books all over the bed. We were trying to decide if I was really in labor or not!! By 3 a.m, I had decided that even if I wasn't, we were going to the hospital to find out!! By 10:30 on June 16th, I had given birth to Landon Daniel who weighed 7lbs exactly with black hair and brown eyes. It was Father's Day and I really felt like I gave Dan the best present possible!! :) Bringing him home was almost surreal....how could they send this precious bundle home with us when I had no idea what to do??? I flipped out at the nurse pushing my wheelchair out to the car...they had taken Landon's blanket off of him that they had swaddled him with and said that we could not keep it. How dare they??!! I was not pleased with this decision and Dan had to step in and let me know that it was all going to be okay. Driving home, I could not believe that 1 day ago our family was 2 and now it was 3!! Those were some of the hardest days of my life....I struggled terribly with post partum depression and at that point did not want to admit that for fear that someone would think I was a terrible mother. I loved this baby beyond measure, but on the other hand wondered, "What have we done?" My love continued to grow and blossom. I would die for this baby, but I felt so inadequate to do my job the "right way" As Landon grew and matured, I did not think that I could have another baby and love him/her as much as I loved him. Landon was a great baby......could I do this again??

Well when Landon was 4, after trying for over a year to conceive, Dalton Lane was born on July 3, 2000. My preganancy with Dalton was very different from Landon's and I was also 4 years older. I believed that I was a "good mother" based on Landon's growth and behavior to this point in time. Dan and I used to joke and say "Can you believe what great parents we are?" Okay, so you probably know what is coming.....Dalton's labor was very painful and difficult and he was 8lbs and 12 oz when he was born. I remember after he was just born, the nurses carrying him over to the scale and weighing him....all I heard was "whoa, he is a big one!" Dalton was a great baby as well, but I also suffered with post partum with him as well on an even bigger scale than Landon. As Dalton grew, Dan and I found out that our parenting wasn't as good as we thought it was. Dalton was very strong willed and did not give in to authority. We tried everything that we thought of, but nothing worked. Temper tantrums, biting and screaming were very typical in our home for many years.

I believe that when I look back on the stages that both of the boys have passed through the common denominator is love. You just cannot do it without love. I also know that I am loved by a creator who is with me every step of the way through motherhood. I love both of my boys with all of my heart and would do anything for either of them. They have very different personalities, but both of them have kind hearts that are full of love for others. I fail each and everyday. I say things that I shouldn't, I do things that I should not do, BUT when I am wrong I always apologize. I want my boys to know that I am not always right and that I make mistakes, but that God is perfect and is there for them eternally. I want my boys to posess the fruits of the spirit that come only from following Christ and NOT me. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control are all characteristics that I pray will continue to develop in each of my sons.

As I continue through this season of Motherhood, Landon is now a full blown teenager and Dalton is almost ten, entering the pre-teen years. My mothering again has to shift....There are days when Landon drives me absolutely crazy with his ranting and Dalton is still running around in his Star Wars costumes with guns asking for T video games!! Love is consistent and my prayers are constant!!

When my boys are grown, my prayer is that they will look back on their mothering with fondness, appreciation and respect. I pray that they will know that I am doing the best that I can and that God picks me up each and every time that I fall. I pray that they know I love them with every fiber of my being and that my life is fulfilled knowing that I have two beautiful sons who have blessed my life in every way possible.

I am thankful for the gift of motherhood, but humbled by the notion that I cannot do it alone and need God's help every day...be it good, bad or indifferent.